Johnnys Randoms

All Apologies

2007-01-29T05:08:00.000-08:00

Well folks....It has been a slice.

Along with other old habits, this blog has finished serving its purpose to me as well. I may write again some day, but for now you will have to look elsewhere for poorly written random gibberish.

For me, this blog was a creative and emotional outlet if you will. I know they say highschool is suppose to be the most difficult time in a persons life. Well, I beg to differ. I managed to make the last two years of my life the most difficult. I can say with certainty they contained the best moments, but also the worst I have ever gone through.

I told half the story in a previous post, and was going to tell the other half prior to me leaving. I think I have done the right thing by actually telling the person, instead of telling the internet. Ha.

There is a reason for all of this I am sure. For now it is obvious I have made so many grave mistakes. Mistakes I didn't think I was capable of. In doing so I began to dislike who I was as a person. I guess the purpose of all this was to learn. I think I have learned more about myself, and people in general, in the last two years then I managed to figure out in the 24 previous ones.

I also now know the feeling of loss once again. It had been quite sometime since I even put myself in a position to do so. This time it was too late. In a sad and almost funny way I was afraid this was going to happen.

It has become apparent that I do not plan my future for myself. I think of the person in it, and plan to suit their needs. I can sustain life off lucky charms and Mr.Noodles and not really be bothered by it. I do not have a future planned anymore. I have no idea where I will end up, or what I will be doing. I guess this is a good thing as I now get to create whatever I want. I believe this new bar will get the majority of my attention and energy in the days to come. Look for a lounge in the Main and Locke area that may or may not be called "Bar in the Back".

My prediction of my future? I get lost in my business life so deeply that I become unplugged from the parts of my life that ail me. In doing so I will become whom ever I am suppose to become. It will be that guy who is found by the right person for me, and I will spend the rest of my days living for them.

So with all my stories finished, and my life going down a new road I think it is probably best to shut this thing down. The past is the past as they say.

What happens next I can not tell...Whatever it is it will be with everything I have.

Thanks for reading, hope you got something out of it.

Wish you all the luck,

Just John.

Inspiration

2007-01-23T11:46:00.001-08:00

The "coach" of our hockey team sends out a mass email every week to serve are a reminder of where and when we play. It also acts as a forum to voice any concerns, injuries, etc. We are playing the worst team this week which is going to be a gong show. In celebration of this our coach added "this" to the email of the week...enjoy. I did.

I Love Lamp...

2007-01-22T18:05:00.000-08:00

I wanted to do something a bit different with my next post...It's a toast to the combination of film and sound. The two things that seem to inspire me the most, or I guess bring the most out of me. So, without further adieu I give you:

JohnnyMacs Top Ten Music Moments in Film

#10 The Matrix

matrix

Number ten is an odd ball because I tend to think of the Matrix trilogy as a whole. The first film changed the way people thought about sci-fi movies, and the way action sequences were shot. The real scene I was going to show was the lobby scene with the Propellerheads "Spybreak" going on in the background. That had to be one of the coolest action scenes ever produced in the history of film. Instead I found this cool montage that ties the other sequels in as well.

#9 My, Myself, and Irene

Jim Carey gets angry

This was definitely an underrated movie when it first came out. The scene Im showing is the transformation into "Hank". Jim Carey plays a schizophrenic person whos alter ego is a complete asshole...And this song made the movie for me.

#8 Office Space

office space- damn it feels good to be a gangsta

I think this movie is my #2 favorite comedy of all time. The song is "Damn it feels good to be a gangster" which manages to suit these ultra-white office dwellers who detest their daily surroundings beyond the average peon.

#7 Blade

Blade

Yes, Blade. Hahaha. Whatever, this scene blew me away when I first saw it. The track is f'ing awesome, and the blood shower was nuts. Its just one of those moments that makes you realize that we're all just a bunch of animals, and sometimes primal instincts are a very powerful thing. It was either this blade scene, or the Matrix scene in the cave..Both had the same effect.

#6 The Royal Tenenbaums

The Royal Tenenbaums -

This use to be my favorite music moment in film...but the idea has faded to me for the time being. Regardless, the look, and the feel of this moment is perfect. The way those two look at each other you'd swear they were really in love with one another. That combined with the slow motion and melodic guitar riff...Forget about it. Ha.

#5 Last of the Mohicans

The Last of the Mohicans

I COULD talk about this scene, but its better to just watch it. I am a huge fan of instrumental music as I always prefer to have my own thoughts driving the moment rather then someone else's words. This song allows just that. There was a different scene I wanted to show, but could not find it on YouTube. Its Daniel Day Lewis tearing across the battlefield, hacking and chopping his way to save his woman to the same song. The guy is so driven by passion that he looks like a f'ing mad man.

#4 The Royal Tenenbaums

Royal Tenenbaums

This is one of my favorite songs period....This scene is a reaction to #6 not working out so well. I don't know what it is, but Im definitely drawn to intense moments. I tried to come up with an explanation for this: I think Im A.D.D and it takes moments like this to consume my complete self? ahha.

The area of the top three really does not need my commentary. These are musical selections done by brilliant people to create and capture a moment that leaves a mark on your imagination...Or, at least mine.

#3 Fight Club

Fight Club End Scene

#2 Life Aquatic with Steve Zizzo

The Life Aquatic & Sigur Ros

And number one....This song has seen a lot of air time as of late with the release of an XBOX 360 game?? haha. Too funny. Anyways, this movie was not fully understood by a lot of people. The ending is amazing on so many levels. I still don't think I have gotten all that I was suppose out of it. The basic idea is the main character learns that to save the one girl he loves, he must die. He does this with a smile on his face....Enjoy.

#1 Donnie Darko

Donnie Darko ending

Well this is something new...

2007-01-17T18:56:00.000-08:00

Ok now....Operation "Get a Grip" is in full effect, but I am even surprising myself these days which is something I haven't done in a while.

First thing was to admit that my relationship with Laura was only harming both of us in the long run and that we couldn't even handle being friends. Mostly my fault. That thought had been around for a while, but I did not know how to let go of her. So we kissed each other goodbye, made the big splitarooni, and here I am.

Now, in my past I have always just gone with the flow. A girl comes around, and I end up dating her. Didn't really matter what the scenario, or situation was. I was just always with someone one way or the other. (Minus like a year long gap in there somewhere, this was not by choice ha, a drought is a drought) I have come to understand that this type of dating is detrimental to both people involved. I don't feel satisfied because I don't really even genuinely care about what Im doing, and the girl usually gets hurt because she does. This would be the case of Maria.

I use to think my brother was nuts for not dating girls more frequently(read gay where the word nuts is hahah jk). The guy is a lady killer but never does anything about it. I think I have picked up something from him as of late. He was ruined by a girl about 6 years ago and didn't really bother dating after that. He had one other serious relationship and she fucked him over too...Damn bitches ha. Hes had a fair share of girls, but I went through something similar many years ago and instead of backing off like he did to heal I dove head first in to the wild world of Bagina and never looked back. I think I now see his position on this, and maybe am I the retarded one? He probably sees all the pain and misery I go through with all my failed relationships and just shakes his head.

In the past I would have definitely dated Maria right now thinking maybe something could really come from this, but if I actually stopped to think about it I know nothing really would, but I would date her none the less because it would be something to do. I was always happier with someone, then without. 100% 180 on that idea, and is exactly why I have now blown this girl off twice now. I am not interested in dating someone with a half-assed effort. I would like something real, or nothing at all.

Isnt that lovely? I am learning and getting better at this relationship stuff!!!

Next is where I surprised myself....

I present to you Amanda:

This girl lives out in Montreal and has invited me down for a no-strings attached weekend of "fun".

I have declined the offer.

J-Mo I am sorry if you fell off your chair.

This is where any guy reading this should just stop because I am going to talk about real things and ideas. I am not ready to date someone. I most likely wont be ready for a long time. I have learned that I am happiest when I am being loved by someone with their entirety, and I wish to give that back to someone with just as much energy. There is no possible way I can do this right now as my thoughts and feelings are attached to my past. So, there is absolutely no point in dating just for the hell of it as it will only prolong me getting over what I have gone through the last two years. I have also adopted the idea that just sleeping with people to satisfy my wants is not productive either. I don't think I want to have this as my answer to: "So, what were past relationships like before me?" "Well, lets see, I banged about 5 or 6 random girls I didn't really care about!" hahaha.

I need to be on my own, recover from this mess I have created, learn who I am all over again, and then come back with my heart in my hand for someone to have.

Sounds terribly cheesy no?

Well, it is what I am choosing. It is similar to the old saying "if you do not have anything good to say, don't say anything at all". I cant possible give someone everything as it is not mine to give. Therefore, I will choose to be by myself until I have all of me back.

What will I be doing in the meantime?

Besides, learning what makes ME happy all over again I will be investing in my future once again by expending time, energy, and capital in the present. I think I am going to go into partnership with a friend of mine to open up our own BAR!!!!!!! There will be a post about this in the near future. For now I will just throw that out there. To achieve this I think I need to grow up once again...I cut out cigs and pot with little effort, so that was huge. But, I need to do other things besides that, like eating real food, and getting proper exercise. Walking around like a zombie does not put you in the right frame of mind to take control of the things you want out of life.

I know what its like to love someone like mad and not have them care about you.

I know what its like to have someone love you like mad and not care about them.

I know what its like to love someone like mad, and have them love you back, and not have it work.

I know what its like to love someone like mad, and have them love you like mad, but never each other at the same time.

I will now learn to be patient and work on myself so I am able to be ready for that person that it does work with.

Its funny not knowing who that person is going to be....Or if they even exist.

Some people live their whole life and never find what they are looking for.

Sorry for the gay mushy stuff...Just something I wanted to get off my chest.

And you thought THAT was dumb? Wait till you hear this!!

2007-01-14T14:26:00.000-08:00

This weekend was jam packed with silly stuff. The best I will save for last...so skip to the end is what I'm saying basically.

Friday night was a friends birthday and we ended up going bowling to celebrate, then off to the bar. My first game was not so great...67. Ha. The second one proved to be much better...114 or something. After the white Russians were downed we headed over to a bar we don't normally bother with. Good times had by all regardless.

Now we move to Saturday night which was pretty funny in itself. I went to a Wii party? A friend that lives in a cool condo downtown Toronto decided to do this. Her brother rented out the party room in the building, got a big projection screen, and hooked up the Wii for some late night gaming. I gotta say it was pretty damn fun. Booze helps....Booze and good company.

Filipino women are fun people to hang out with I might add...

This would be the host of the bash...As you can tell alcohol did fuel this night.

In the morning I drove myself back to the hammer in a slightly hazed out state. While I was driving I had a American Beauty moment. Does anyone remember the part where the main character films a plastic bag swirling in the wind by itself? Anyways, my parking ticket decided to start dancing in the defrost heat.

It was really calming for some reason...Not that I was stressed out, but any sort of aliment was alleviated watching that thing float on its own. Yes I should have been watching the road....I'm a multi-tasker no worries.

Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for:

I don't know if there is even a real name for this, but I am going to call this skater cross for all intensive purposes. I am sure everyone knows what boarder-cross is. Quick refresh: 8 people on snowboards line up for a race to the bottom of the hill on a course that includes jumps, burms, and other obstacles. Red Bull has an event going in Quebec where people do this on ice skates down a sloping city street glazed over with ice. This is right up there with my own personally invented sport of stair riding on the old barometer of stupidity.

I cant f'ing wait to do this....Its going to be an odd combination of boarder-cross meets the running of the bulls all whacked out on Red Bull.

Myself, and three of my friends are heading down to Toronto for the qualifying rounds being held on the 26th. If we qualify we are bused out, and put up in a hotel, by Red Bull to compete in this event.

This will pretty much be the most awesome thing I have ever done if I make it into the competition. Now, there's 100 people trying out in Toronto and they only take 5 people from each city. So, I have about a 5% chance of making it. But!!! The only bloody reason why I was ever any good at hockey was my speed. I can fly. So, I am hoping don't blow a gasket and actually make the cut.

We'll see what happens...

Pro what?

2007-01-11T16:07:00.000-08:00

Good morning boys and girls, today I’m going to talk to you about propinquity!!

What is propinquity you might ask? Well, I’m glad you asked...

In social psychology, propinquity (from Latin propinquitas, nearness) is one of the main factors leading to interpersonal attraction. It refers to the physical or psychological proximity between people. Two people living on the same floor of a building, for example, have a higher propinquity than those living on different floors. Propinquity can mean physical proximity, a kinship between people, or a similarity in nature between things.

Basically, your environment has a direct effect on you as a person. You become what surrounds you because you are drawn to form similarities with the people that are closest to you.

A prime example is the workplace. If you work with a bunch of divorced, alcoholic, abusive scum-buckets you might form a social bond with these people. It is not to say that you yourself will follow the same path, but that you might sympathize with them and almost come to accept this behavior as normal. In other examples that are less extreme you may completely adopt similar characteristics. If you work with a group of people who are sarcastic and witty, they will rub off on you. Your sense of humor might shift and may ultimately find yourself associated with this type of person on a regular basis.

The workplace is obviously the most generic example of large sums of time spent within a group of people you did not choose to be around. There are other situations where this concept is found: the gym, the bar scene, your neighborhood, pretty much anywhere you interact with people.

After kinships are formed due to proximity, the next logical step would be to find a romantic relationship. Often these are formed with people who share similar interests. When two people have a high propinquity with each other it is natural to develop romantic feelings for each other.

This would be the example of the propinquity effect: the tendency for people to form friendships or romantic relationships with those whom they encounter often. In other words, relationships tend to be formed between those who have a high propinquity.

Why in the Hell am I talking about this? I think this is something people over look in their lives because it is not really a great conversation piece. Although, I think it should be included in possible New Years resolutions. Examine the people who contribute to your life in a positive way, and those who do not.

There is a certain portion a person must take responsibility for to better themselves. This would be the vast majority of all things concerning ones self. However, one should acknowledge that outside factors contribute to your well being. So in order to improve on yourself and your life it only makes sense to try and surround yourself with good, honest, caring people if that is what you strive to be. Depending on what your goals are in life will depend on whom you should look to for companionship. It’s like playing tennis with someone that sucks goat balls. You will never get any better if you keep smoking them. If you find someone to play with that challenges you then of course your game will improve.

For the most part Id like to think my family and friends are good, decent folk. There is of course exceptions of liars, backstabbers, nutcases, and leeches.

The goal is to weed these people out who are beyond help, or who do not believe they need it.

There is another concept that I have not been able to find much on anywhere, reverse-propinquity: the acknowledgement of your own influences on others around you. If you can see that you are doing nothing but harm to someone, then one should take the responsibility to remove themselves from the situation to better the other person.

I am not sure of what my goals are, what my major weaknesses are, or what I need to work on to better myself.

For the first time in a long time I feel I am a perfectly clean canvas.

"Around and around she goes, where she stops? Nobody knows"

Dont think twice, its alright....

2007-01-09T16:41:00.000-08:00

Laura:

After my boss got canned, and I stepped into his shoes, we needed to back fill my position. My company was in charge of locating someone to help me out and I had no real choice as to who we got. They found Laura. At first I thought this girl hated me....She came off as a bit of a bitch to start with. But, I figured it was her just needing to get settled in where she was before she opened up.

After a few weeks we kinda figured out we were into the same things and she started to talk to me on a normal even keel. Not like I was her boss and she had to be nice to me, but we saw each other for who we really were. So that was great. I had someone that I could get along with to help me out here. Wonderful I thought. Then after a while of working together everday I stopped and thought to myself: Holyshit, This girl is cute as hell!!! She also dressed very sexy which drove me nuts day in and day out.

One day she asked if I liked this band Theory of a Dead Man. Of course I did not, but because she was asking I said yes, and before I knew it we were going to a concert together with one of her friends.

Nothing transpired that night, but I knew what was happening here...or at least what I wanted to have happen.

Another little bit went by and we ended up at another concert together...this time I did not drive home!!

It was the most comfortable I have ever been with someone in my life. It was like home in this girls bed with her wrapped around my body. That was it, after that we started dating. This was a relationship unlike any other Ive ever been in. When I looked into this girls eyes I could see her soul. I could feel what she felt just by looking at her. Never had a connection like this before in my life. She had this rough exterior front that I saw through completely to find this girl...this girl that was the funniest, most genuinue person I have ever met. This was a real girl. A real person. A woman you could say. There is a difference between girls and women. Girls play games and are selfish and childish. Women are different. They know how to communicate thier wants and are capable of being rational. So ya, I was happy as a clam with her.

We could not let anyone at work know because there was an unwritten policy that this type of thing was frowned upon. It was almost fun in a way to have our little glances with each other, or brush up against one another intentionally. However, it was also shitty because when you spend so much time pretending you are not dating it subconciously fucks you up I think. Also, spending every single second together is not completely healthy either. This opened up grounds for uncertanty and mis-communication. We also never talked about important stuff. Things just either were, or werent. One of the major downfalls in our relationship I suppose.

So things hit the skids a bit and we didnt really know where each of us stood...I think we were both just being big chickens.

During this phase I went down to Boston to see an old friend which changed everything.

Laura and I ended up breaking up, yet continued to work directly with each other. This was perhaps comparable with the worst kind of torture. No real point in explaining that part becuase it is just depressing. Lets just say that to see this girl upset was hell in itself. I couldnt take it for some reason. I would do anything to take pain away from her except for do exactly what she needed the most, for me to leave her alone. This went on for what seemed like eons until she finally got a new job.

We tried to date again "officially" in the summer which did not work out as planned.

There was always something not quite right....I could never put my finger on it, or perhaps I just did not want to. I am not sure of this.

Alone we were perfect. If we added other people into the mix we seemed awkward.

So how do you walk away from that person....the only person you've ever dated that truely loved you...the person that is your answer to who would you like to be stranded on a deserted island for the rest of you life with...how do you walk away from that person and believe you are doing the right thing? Well, it took me way too long to get to this point. The answer is simple, she deserves someone like me, but that doesnt ever have to ask that question. He just does not walk away.

She has passion, love, and life inside of her and I snatched that away selfishly not knowing what I wanted to do with it. I just knew I wanted it. Do not get me wrong, I was not a complete asshole about it. I knew there was moments where the two of us were happy as fucking hell. Moments that will never be forgotten, moments where we tapped into each others lust for life and just enjoyed what was around us. Unfortunately, it was spoiled for the most part and I let that happen. I regret not letting this relationship run its proper course....I will forever feel ashamed for that.

I met Laura at the wrong time in my life...I think if we had met earlier things would have worked out differently.

However, we have finally reached our destination...

We said our goodbyes after a bunch of tears, mostly mine. ha. I am a suck for her, what can I say.

This girl deserves whatever she wishes out of life....and she will get it. Karma will see to that. All she wanted to do was love me, and have me by her side doing the same back. She put up with a lot of shit, more then a normal person would have taken that is forsure. The title of this post is a Bob Dylan song directed not at her, but rather, a reflection of her attitude, her paitence, and my stupidity.

What do I deserve? Well, I deserve what I have gotten...and probably more of that to come.

I will have many a regret that I tampered with her heart. I had good intentions, but unfortunately was not the right person for her....and I refused to see it. It was like having the second best hand in poker. I went all the way to the bitter end hoping my royal flush would come out and was left with nothing...just a bunch of people pissed off at me, and lots of people hurt.

I only pray to God I end up with someone that has a heart like hers.

I will not settle for anything less....

Please be the New Kids on the Blocks greatest hits!!?!?

2007-01-05T12:18:00.000-08:00

Dumbfounded....that is pretty much the only word I can use to describe this event.

I stumbled out of my house late this morning and made my way over to my car which was parked a few doors down for a stupid reason I wont go into. As I got close to my car I could see a white bag underneath the windshield wiper.

Hummmm....what do we have here? The obvious thought was junk mail. Wrong.

It was a white plastic bag with something inside that surely did not come from a company who thinks because their junk mail is neatly packaged someone will be fooled into actually buying what they're selling.

Ok, so not junk mail, then what?

I open up the bag to find a CD case inside. Humm, ok, that’s an odd way to promote your death metal garage band I thought to myself. Oh wait, it’s not a CD.

Inside the CD case is a note....Instantly my head starts swimming trying to think of who would go through the trouble of writing me a note, driving to my house, and neatly packaging this to keep it safe from the rain.

Well I'll be a monkey’s uncle.

Not too sure if anyone who reads this remembers Maria or not. Quick refresh: We met, and she turned out to be really sweet and cute, but latched onto me like I was the best thing that ever happened to her. News flash, people do not like to be with other people that put them up on pedestals. There is no balance there. Anyways, I actually figured her to be an insecure nut case that just jumped on every guy that she was ever involved with the way she did with me...So, instead of doing the typical guy thing and having a grand old time, I did the mature thing and explained we should just not do this. I patted myself on the back, and was done with it...

This note was from Maria...so two months later with not a single word of contact I get this letter from her saying hello, and that shed just like to know how I was.

Now I'm a little confused, was this girl totally and completely nuts? Or, did she infact really fall super hard for me?

Either way it was kinda nice. I think most people would find this creepy, but I finally think I understand what’s going on in this girls head. I use to do lots of crazy things for people I cared about that would be considered a little out there. Always a fine line between bizarrely charming, and weirdoville.

Ohhh, I remember this now.

2007-01-04T06:34:00.000-08:00

My University grade average? 68.5%...Rounded up 69%. I like to think I got 69. A 70 looks a lot better, but in no means a good mark regardless. Ha. Grade school I was at the top of the class, not that it even matters, and highschool I was in the 80's. But, as I got older I came to realize a few things about school.

School for the most part is fluff.

My highschool graduation quote that was printed in the year book looked something this:

"Highschool is like a fight...You can mess around and throw a few punches, or walk away a smarter man"

Translation = Do what you need to, take what is offered to you, and get the hell out.

Christ, even back then I thought too much for my own good.

I have been doing some distant studies work to get my professional purchasing degree. I signed up for this thing, and then forgot about it for about 8 months. Whoops. I kinda thought I'd have a different job by now. Not the case.

Now that I'm studying every day and actually doing the work I don't mind it. It actually relates to what I do on a daily basis so that helps keep me motivated to continue. I have a new outlook on my education, and am eager to achieve in this course. Yes, yes...This is all wonderful stuff.

I handed in my first assignment not really knowing what the teacher was looking for. Seeing as I have lots of real life experience I figured I would try and relate this to the course material and blow the teacher away....Wrong. Guess what I got on my first assignment....Guess?.....68.5%. It was like a bad joke. The teacher pointed me in the direction of the text book to answer the questions, and even gave me a template to follow for the case study portion.

Fine....I remember this now....Teachers want you to regurgitate bullshit out of the text book because that's what they know and understand to be correct, and also find it easier to mark.

For my next assignment I followed his little gay template to a tee, and made all my answers the typical generic crap he was looking for. I can play this way, I do not mind. Guess what I got back on this assignment? 68%. I did fucking worse. He foolishly came out to say my structure was wrong on one part (I copied what he gave me as an example), and even had the balls to suggest I bring in real life examples to illustrate my points.

OOOhhhhhhhh RIGHT!!! Its all coming back to me now. I remember why I didn't bother running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to achieve 100% on every little stupid test, or quiz. It doesn't matter what mark you get, its what you get out of it. I COULD sit down and figure out exactly what this fruitcake wants to see on my paper, and get that great mark...Just not sure I want to. In University I came to this very same crossroad. Bite down and freak out to ensure I get the very best mark....Or???? Plan B. I choose to ignore class, skim text books (if I even bought them), and party my ass off because it didn't matter. I wrote exams drunk, I wrote exams high, hell I even wrote an exam for a course I wasn't even in just for shits and giggles. I still got what I needed in the end. My piece of paper that said I was smart. I do consider myself to have fairly business oriented mind, and can attribute a lot of that to my schooling, but for the most part all those dumb little details that get you the 90 vs the 70....Useless, forgotten, fluff...

Now here is where I would normally say, ok, screw you and the little horse you rode in on, I'm going to do buckets, play guitar, and fraternize with the next girl that walks by with her thong hanging out. I'll see you again at the final exam ya turd. But instead of being frustrated that my way didn't work, and doing it his way didn't work either, I am going to give this good grade thing another try.

Yeah for me!!!

New years resolution #2....Learn to be more patient.

What was number #1....Live for other people, not for myself. There is a few people in my life that need some help, and I think I can be that person. I've gotten myself on track for the most part (the previous post might not suggest so, but that is just typical me when I dont have anyone to behave for), so its time to do something different I think.

The Holidays

2007-01-01T12:23:00.000-08:00

So the holidays have come and gone...it was a bag of mixed nuts to say the very least.

The big thing I guess would be moving apartments again. This is a pain the ass. I like doing this less and less, and this time is only down the stairs. My brother is puking his guts out right now so I'm kinda doing this by myself. Ya its 6:30pm the day after New Years. Like two peas in a pod I tells ya.

Christmas itself sucked the big one. It wasn't that I didn't get what I wanted, I'm not 6. It was a combo of things I guess. We celebrated Christmas Eve, but I was not exactly "with-it" for the festivities.

Below you will see a few shots and a clip of me at 4am Christmas Eve morning. This will serve as my explanation as to why I didn't feel so hot come night time. I don't even remember this, but apparently after the big Christmas party my friends threw at this bar I ended up at the after party where I threw down some sick dance moves. Like bees to honey when the ladies saw my moves...hahahaha.

This is at the end of the one party...

Cab ride to the next party....Clearly I didn't need to be going to the next party.

And my debut on youtube ladies and gentlemen:

John Dances

Um ya....I'm an idiot.

Anyways,

What else happened on the holidays...I had a pretty funny night out in Toronto again. It was a triple threat evening.

First, as I'm driving to my buddies place to carpool down to the big city I see a youth on a bike get smoked by some old fart in a Cadillac. The retard on the bike was crossing when he shouldn't have been, but the guy in the car really should have seen the kid. Unfortunately he didn't, and the kid was thrown up on the hood of the car and then tossed off as the car slammed on the breaks. Right out of a movie. The kid gets up, gives the thumbs up and rides off. hahaha. Brilliant.

2nd, while walking to get some cash for the night in Toronto a couple walks past my friend, her boy friend, and myself. As they pass it was hard to avoid hearing their heated argument. Not entirely sure what it was about but the guy was saying something about using people. My friend shoots me a back-handed comment about that concept being right up my alley. Ha. I came back with a rather loud retort: "Did you just say I use people?!!?!" The dude who was originally talking about this heard my question and assumed I was talking about him. He came back, got right in my face, and asked me if I had a problem. hahaha. This fuckstick is my size to start, and there is two of us. What was this guy thinking? I said he was in the wrong conversation and that was the end of it. Loser.

3rd, I bumped into a half dozen people I went to university with that night. Some I wanted to see, some made me cringe, and others reminded me of hilarious bullshit I use to do.

This guy is now a staple in my random alumni spottings.

Hes got his own TV sports show now...I forget what channel its on. I heard hes doing well at it though.

The highlight of the night was seeing an old business classmate of mine. This guy is like 6'8" so its hard to miss, or forget him. He was with a bunch of his buddies and when we bumped into each other he explained to his friends that I was a legend of sorts. hahahaha. You see, for my major business project in university we had to draw up the plans for a realistic business opportunity from start to finish. This was actually a huge undertaking and quite a pain in the ass. What did I come up with?

Johnny's Babes and Bubbles

It was a laundry delivery service that would pick up your laundry, wash it, press it, and return it to you for a modest price. It was aimed at young professional males who are strapped for time.

This was my group. hahaah. I apparently was the envy of a few guys in the class. Best part was we did quite well on the project.

Too funny.

Last but not least we have New Years.

I will just do this in pictures because I need to get back to moving shit, and I'm sick of listening to my brother puke in the next room.

The hostess

Me and my dynamic foesball partner who went undefeated to take the belt for the evening.

And finally, what a person looks like after they drink a 26er of absenth.

Hope everyone had a good holiday season.

Back to the grind...

Cheers.

My Christmas this year in a nutshell...

2006-12-27T14:26:00.000-08:00

"Ho Ho Ho.."

Im going to Hell....

2006-12-23T19:14:00.000-08:00

Best "Christmas" song made even better.

Scroll down and enjoy...

Now maybe?...What if?...Hum....Ok I'm lost.

2006-12-22T08:58:00.000-08:00

Hit up the beer store last night to get a 6 pack for poker. Upon opening the box back on the ranch I noticed attached to it was a pink sticky note with my full name on it....

What the?....How in Gods name did that get there?

Honestly. Think about that for a second. Try and come up with some answers. You probably wont have any good ones. I know I didn't.

1) This case of beer was sent to me personally by the Brew Master himself, guided by the hand of God.

2) This was a new marketing technique used to invoke the sin of envy. Who is this John Macnamara, and why does he get this pack of beer? Fuck this guy, Im taking it!!

3) Maybe the cashier was trying to pick me up but wrote my name instead of hers...hahaha not likely.

4) I was in the same store a few weeks ago and saw an old acquaintance of an ex. I couldn't remember her name to save my life. I am still good friends with the ex, so during our next conversation I asked what that girls name was again (Nicole). The very same girl was working there again last night in the back. Perhaps when she saw me she got a message to the other girl at the front to perform this little ruse. A nice little way of saying, I remember your FULL name, thanks for not even knowing mine jackass.

AHahahah..

I like option 1 and 2 the best.

Short and Sweet

2006-12-20T05:26:00.000-08:00

So I went on another date...

This one had highschool written all over it.

I had gone off to buckfucknowhere for the night a little while ago to have drinks with a friend of mine. It was totally random that I was there, but I had a great time nonetheless. There are only two bars in this town, we hit up both. The first one was like Cheers, he knew everyone in there. The second was more of a mixed crowd of randoms. You had people who were barely 19, and weird 45 year old guys. Pretty much one of those places where everyone in town goes because there is nowhere else to go.

This second bar had a dance floor in the middle that was occupied by all sorts of different folks. The best group had to be this 4some of girls that did not give a shit. They were dancing their asses off to the cheesy tunes and loving it. I don't think they knew anyone else was in the bar. I stood back and admired these girls for enjoying the moment. They were not bombshells by any stretch of the imagination, but they all had character which is better sometimes anyways.

The night went on and as I was looking around but could not find one hot girl....Not one girl in the whole place that I thought was attractive.

Finally ONE girl showed up on the dance floor...One girl out of the entire bar was good looking. Well...That'll do I thought. There is at least one girl to occasionally glance over at and pretend like she's looking back at you in your drunken state. ahahhaha.

2am rolls around and the DJ pipes up: "Ok guys, last song, and lets make this a slow one"

Wha???? Where are we???? The highschool dance?

Anyways, the one attractive girl in the entire bar walks over to me and asks me to dance. Ummmm Hell yes I will!!

So we danced and in the end I got her phone number.

We went out for drinks the other night, which I thought went pretty well. Only thing was she was way more attractive then I had remembered. So here I am looking like my typical bum-self and she's dressed to the nines. Didn't seem to matter because we just sat and talked for hours. I could tell we weren't exactly on the same page as she had super girly girl tendencies. The words: I love shopping, and purses, and pink, and I want Paris Hiltons dog came out at various points. Her actual nickname was Paris Milton which suited her to a tee. But, I've come to learn that all the bombshells, or at least the ones I've met, think this way...so what can you do ha. Aside from the typical uber-girly stuff we got along extremely well on all accounts. The date came to and end and we decided to go see a movie one Friday night.

I had learned over the course of our chats that she was with someone for a year and a half, and they just broke up a few weeks ago. Not exactly something Id normally want to get myself involved with. We texted back and forth for a day or two and then she called me to say she just couldn't date someone right now. So either she was obviously still hung-up on the guy and wanted to spare me, which was thoughtful, or it was an excuse. Did not matter either way.

Tabernac though....She was smoking hot. ahhaha.

I was not surprised, or upset, or anything...I laughed when she said she was sorry.

Look, I've dated enough people to know that this stuff happens all the time and I thanked her for just being honest. I didnt need to even bother telling her I was about as emotionally available as a sea-cucumber...She beat me to it. Ha.

No harm, no Foul.

On an unrelated topic:

It was my pops birthday yesterday...We went out as a family and saw Blood Diamond. This was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Believable characters and plot, good cinematography, able to deliver a message without coming off as preaching, and even a love story that made you feel good despite having an outcome that wasnt...Just really well done and had me on a high after leaving the theater. I don't think that would be the normal reaction to seeing a war-torn part of the world exposed for what it was, but I guess I was focusing on the good, not the bad.

My mom hide her balloon sized ring after the movie ended. hahaha.

Could'nt help myself....

2006-12-19T06:16:00.000-08:00

K "fuck" it, this guy is just cool now....Im not afraid to say it.

In a box....

Tis the season...

2006-12-18T04:32:00.000-08:00

Number of days left before Christmas : 7

Number of gifts accumulated to date : 1

Number of chocolates and deserts consumed thus far : 87

Number of times I've been wished a Merry Christmas already : 39

Number of times I want to hear that again : -5

Number of Christmas parties to attend : 5

Number of days until I have a week off : Too f'ing many ha (4)

Number of drinks I had the night of my office Christmas party : 20 something I'm sure of it...Thank God the other 16+ were had after the work portion of the night had ended.

Number of bruises I have from that night : 4

Number of regrets that night : many, ha.

Number of kisses I will get on New Years : 0.........Son of a. Didn't plan this very well haha.

Number of things I want to do differently next year : lots.

Number of things I will actually do differently next year : a couple.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!!!!

I'll be out of commission for a while here....Catch you later.

Mother.....I've been.....Living with....A GAY MAN!!!

2006-12-15T09:04:00.000-08:00

Oh the shame....its true, its true.

Hahahahaha.

Funny part is? Its kinda correct.

You see, the guy I bought my house off wanted to stay on as a tenant for a few months until he found himself another place to live. The house is set up as a duplex so that worked out perfectly. He paid the mortgage while I fixed up the one apartment. Now that its all ready to go and in the paper to be rented he'll be leaving and I can move into that apartment to do the very same to it.

Funny thing was, this guy turned out to be an older gay man living by himself. And, to add to this the real estate agent was an open bi-sexual guy. Probably why this house went so cheap was the quasi-queer arrangements surroudning it.

No skin off my nose though, I had my laundry done and fresh bread baked for me.

Hahahhaa. Nothing sadder then an old queen I am told.

He leaves in a few weeks, and its time to move.....again.....

Well its about F'ing time.....

2006-12-11T15:22:00.000-08:00

It seems some good things have come my way...

1) I finally got a fucking goal in hockey. Only took me??? 7 games? But, it was a three point night for me so I think the curse is gone! I broke in alone and went five-hole. It was like I won the Stanley cup I was so thrilled.

2) I played online poker Friday night and won someone else 200 bucks. They rewarded me with lots of beers for this effort, and I subsequently lost all of it. Hahah. Good times were had though.

3) Today marks one month of no smoking anything what so ever. Anonymous....You can kiss my white ass. Ohhh Herrroo...

4) The waitress did not call me back. This in retrospect is a good thing as it would have been a headache to get out of. I am sure this was a situational infatuation anyways. I just wanted to like someone...So I convinced myself I did. Here I am a week later and I don't care. So, that's that. That, and did I really expect to win someone over like that? ahahah. Im an idiot.

Big thing was getting a #$@#$FA#$#@$ goal. That was starting to bug me dammit!!!

hhaah.

"You want a piece of ME!?!?! YOU GOT IT!!!!!

2006-12-08T18:25:00.000-08:00

I'm bored out of my f'ing mind.

I need something besides my houses to occupy my time or I'll go nuts.

The answer to my prayers? Free ski week in Alberta coming up in Feb.

I think it was 4 years ago now that I was last out that way heating up the slopes. Maybe it was 3? Since university its been kinda hard to date things it seems.

Anyways, Pornfield and I headed out to Panorama to stay with a friend of his working on the mountain. My God...What an awesome time that was. The skiing conditions from what I remember were pretty good, no bombs of fresh powder, but the temp was good and the snow was deep enough to enjoy.

Aside from the skiing, we had such a ridiculous time I couldn't wait to do this again. And here we are.

Highlights from the first trip would be Buddious....He was a f'ing ginormous St.Bernard that you could find standing at the end of the bar putting out the vibe while talking Dutch to his owner. The screaming of "Matterhorn" repeatedly at anyone in earshot for no particular reason. The screaming of my friends last name who we just happened to see out there by chance on the chair lift....His last name is pronounced Whore. Almost watching our newly acquired friend get his ass mangled by some jacked-up steroid freak, blue flames galore, and putting on shows for the main chair-lift line that was right outside our window in the early morning.

Butt, the number one highlight would have to be my performance on the 2nd last night.

I think I was the most tanked that night because I took a bet in foesball that each game the loser would buy the winner a beer...Two German tourists took the challenge. So I schooled both of these guys at the same time and many a beer was my reward. Ha.

After the bar we made it back to our room...We were being loud and rowdy and spilled out into the hall after awhile.

This stirred up a few other people from their rooms, including a room of girls down the hall...

What do I do???

It was a combination of Mr.Costanzas fight with Elaine and Party-boy from Jackass stripping in Japan.

I started stripping....Each piece of clothing was spiked down onto the floor with a vengeance. I ended up in the full Monty and then sorta realized what I was doing and ran back into the room ahha.

Best part of all this? There is a full video recording of me doing this. So, somewhere out there is a tape of me stripping totally hammered.

Awesome.

I've never actually seen this, but we are going out to see the same person so maybe I'll get a chance to view this. I am sure its been thrown out, or deleted, or burned. But, here's hoping.

"As in THEE Michael Bolton??"

2006-12-06T07:16:00.000-08:00

People say the strangest things sometimes.

I have learned to tune people out for the most part when I can tell they are about to say something completely useless. I have even gotten so good at this that I think they actually believe I am listening to them. The skill is most useful on the phone, but when pulled off in person is like a fine wine...Almost an art form if you ask me. Does this get you into trouble later when people ask you about this or that? Yes, yes it does. The 5% of the time this happens is worth the awkward moment because you can play up any number of excuses as to why you forgot anyways.

Last week I was giving someone my name, and address of the company to ship something to us.

"Why sure...Its John...Macnamara"

"How do you spell that sir"

"M A C N A M A R A"

"M A C A N"

"No madam, M A C N A M A R A"

"Insert address of my company, along with telephone number and fax line"

I think I must have said this grouping of letters and numbers over 2000 times. I say it with different accents sometimes now, or I accentuate different parts.

"Macnamara eh? Any relation to...

(THERE, RIGHT FUCKING THERE!!! That's when I would nod off and start typing another email or processing an order etc)

....Any relation to the twin "Kung-Fu Masters"?"

"Exsqueeze me....Did you say twin Kung-Fu masters?"

Hahhaha I couldn't help but start laughing at this lady on the phone. I felt bad afterwards because I could tell she studied there and didn't need to be getting shit from me. I am sure she understood why I found it humorous though.

I think that's every group of brothers best dream come true, to be kung-fu masters. I know for sure Dave and I joked about something like this...Although I think it was probably more a long the lines of Boondock Saints type work. Love that idea.

Point is....I guess you cant tune EVERYONE out, because you will miss things.

Christ I am bored.

I have a trip coming up in Feburary, but its not soon enough.

Oh BabyGolly!!! That was a Goodie!!!

2006-12-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

10 years ago I got my drivers license.

10 years ago I thought it would be fun to throw the E brake on and slide around in my Dads car.

Today, 10 years later, I still think performing this feet is entertaining.

What do both these stories have in common?

Last night with the first real snow fall of the season I managed to smash MY car off a curb and bend my rim much like I did with my Dads car.

Im not sure which time was less funny...

Some things change, and some things never do.

Ha.

And I would walk 500 more...

2006-12-02T13:44:00.000-08:00

I didn't fall off the wagon....I got a running start and launched myself off it.

The goal was to not have a drink for a month, and to ultimately cut out all the other bad things in my life. I didn't think I could be drinking and have a realistic chance of losing the other two bad habits.

So its been three weeks and I think I can no longer say I crave that smoke when Im swimming in a bottle of beer. I can also say Im not inclined to talk to herb when Im watching a movie/playing guitar/whatever....I think I actually play more guitar now for someone reason. Weird.

Back to falling off the wagon...I did this in great fashion. Lets start by saying my love life makes about as much sense as the screen door submarine commonly seen patrolling the shores of Newfoundland. I did happen to meet someone new that caught my attention. This has not happened in a long long time. I was at that point where I had forgotten about that feeling and was just bumbling along singing my song so to speak.

She is a friend of one of my friends sisters. She's a waitress at a bar I happened to go to one night out of the blue. I guess she works there part time to pay her way through nursing school. Anyways, we were introduced and I became somewhat smitten with her. I went back a bunch of times to see if she was working but to no avail. Id have a quick pint on my stops, and then be on my way. I've been told this is stalker like behavior. ahhaha. Sue me.

I show up on Friday and she is finally there working. I plop myself down at the bar and have a few pints while I work out what the hell I'm going to do, and or say. We said hellos as we caught eyes, but she was super busy so I didn't make a point of going over to talk to her right away. God, Im such a chicken. 4 or 5 pints later two of my friends show up and we continue to enjoy the mixture of hops and barely. 8 or 9 pints later they could see what I was about to do and did their best to stop me; but, I guess I lied and told them I was going to the bathroom and B-lined it to her.

This is what I came up with....Both times I've been there she has had guys try and pick her up. So instead of being that guy, I devised this....I would give her my phone number and SHE could start this if she wanted to, rather then have me hit on her.

So I drop my business card down in front her with my phone number on it, say nothing, and walk out.

What?!?! Why??? hahahaha. Christ Almighty....

The last time I had to drink myself stupid before I could muster up enough courage to talk to a girl I was 19.

I left my car there that night obviously, as my friends dropped me off. The next day I went for a walk......A long walk......Back to this bar to get my car. Must have been over an hour or so. On my travels I got some good pictures.

I love beech trees. They are always the last ones to loose their leaves, and physical structure of the trunks is always so cool.

This just seemed so out of place...There's no f'ing snow on the ground...Hell Hamilton was under 5 feet of water on Friday. Thank god it didn't get my houses. I would have been so pissed.

This topped it all off though:

This is a picture of the actual street sign from my first house. How sadly true this name is....But also funny as hell.

As I was going to put these pics on my computer I found this video of "Bosco" which is all I have left now....Single tear....Ha.

To cap off the weekend we had a big family shindig to celebrate my great aunts 80th birthday. This women has broken more bones then professional stunt men, but she just keeps on ticking. I don't know how she's made it as far as she has. Stubborn one that Shirley.

My family is hilarious...Its been a while since I've taken that amount of verbal abuse..."You live where?? My god...Are you trying to kill your poor mother? How are you ever going to attract a wife living there.....And why aren't you married yet anyways? Do you even have a girl friend???"

Holyshitballs....backoff, or I will just marry one of the extra friendly girls from that area to shut yah up!! haha.

P.S....I saw a hooker, who wasn't bad looking, get picked up by a nasty nasty old man...It was depressing. haha.

Now that was a random post....Me likey.

That has got to be the furthest past E ever!!!

2006-12-01T10:41:00.000-08:00

So I f'ing Kramered myself last night....

No I didn't get up in front of a room full of complete strangers and blurt our racial slurs until the entire world caught notice.

What I did do:

I was running a bit late for work yesterday so I drove to the office on empty. I knew I had just hit empty so there should be no problem making it there. After work I was extremely lazy and didn't feel like stopping to fill up. So, I played with fire and cruised home on fumes. I had a hockey game at 7 which crept up on me like that butler in Mr.Deeds. This left me no time to stop for gas either. Not sure if I would make it there or not I thought I would test out the limits of this so called "empty" concept on my gas gauge. Sure enough I made it to hockey!!!

Short recap: I corralled the puck out of mid-air at center ice with only one man left, whom I undressed, and broke in all alone on the goalie only to have the same no-talent assclown slash me at the last second. I also had an empty net shot from our end curve right 10 feet before the net in the dying seconds of the game. The law of averages says my unlucky streak will end soon.

After the game it was time to ask myself one question....Did I feel lucky? Yes, yes I did. I jumped into the "Black Bitch" and rode off into the night like a bat out of hell.

I had to make one stop before heading home which was at the other end of town. This meant I would have to cross over the Skyway bridge. This is not a small bridge. I often have dreams where I am on this thing and it starts to buckle and shake until it goes more and more vertical and then I just wake up. This dream sucks. I had one dream the other night where I was rocking out to MC Hammers "Cant touch this" with a crew of dead pirates....Don't even ask cause I just don't know. Anyways, I made it over the bridge, ran my errand, and headed home.

"IM GOING TO MAKE IT!!!" "IM GOING TO MAKE IT"

Hell I even got to the point where I contemplated that the gas gauge was just a big conspiracy. In fact, there is no such thing as gas!! Cars run on fun!! And this one man Thelma and Louise pleasure cruise was never going to end!!!

Chug.....Chug....Cough....Hiccup....Chug...........

Shit.

The party came to a sudden and abrupt end downtown in the North East end of Hamilton.

Gas is real folks, and cars do not run without this.

Hahahaha.

That would be nice...

2006-11-30T17:26:00.000-08:00

Yes, knowing what you want to do with your life is a good thing...Not to worry J-Mo, you and everyone else like us will get there.

It should be that one thing in your life that brings your emotion to the surface, that thing that keeps you up at night, that thing that burns holes in your days because you cant concentrate on anything else...

What is mine? It is a combination of music and film....and beautiful girls. I hear sound and am immediately taken away to a visual depiction of what I think these sounds resemble. So, I hope to God my life turns out to have this in there somewhere...Even if it is just as a hobby I think I will be content.

A colleague of mine pointed this song out to me:

BRAND NEW

"Jesus Christ"

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone I could save
If they don't put me away
Well, it'll be a miracle

Do you believe you're missing out
That everything good is happening somewhere else?
But with nobody in your bed
The night's hard to get through

And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won't know anyone

Well Jesus Christ, I'm alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
Cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend.

Well Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die,
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after
Do I get the gold chariot?
Do I float through the ceiling?

Do I divide and fall apart?
Cause my pride is too sly to hold back all my dark
And the ship went down in sight of land
And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands

I know you'll come in the night like a thief
But I've had some time alone to hold my lies inside me
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust
But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up

So do you think that we could work out a sign
So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try

I know you'll come for the people like me
But we all got wood and nails
Tongue tied to a hating factory

But we all got wood and nails
Your tortured (and hanging) factory
Yeah, we all got wood and nails
Your tortured (and hanging) factory
Yeah, we all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine

F'ing great tune.

I saw this band once, and I think I need to see them again. I crowd surfed last time during the best song and I think I had an orgasm on the crowd it was so f'ing sweet.

He just couldn't stay away....Or could he?

2006-11-29T15:39:00.000-08:00

Well that is that....Never getting another cat again.

My little guy went A.W.O.L. and I have a feeling hes not coming back.

Id like to think he got scooped up and is off living the high-life in some playboy mansion type setting.

However, I live in Hamilton and he probably got cat-napped by some crazy old lady with 43 other cats....or he got flattened by a car.

He was wicked and I got attached to him as I normally do with animals so he will be missed. There is a chance he'll still turn up, but I have a feeling this hope will be in vain so there's no sense in pretending.

Its probably for the best as this cat represented something totally ridiculous in my life. As more time has passed I will probably share that story soon, quite funny actually now that I think about it.

Anyways, good on yah buddy.

It was swell while it lasted.