My Christmas this year in a nutshell...

"Ho Ho Ho.."

Im going to Hell....

Best "Christmas" song made even better.

Scroll down and enjoy...

Now maybe?...What if?...Hum....Ok I'm lost.

Hit up the beer store last night to get a 6 pack for poker. Upon opening the box back on the ranch I noticed attached to it was a pink sticky note with my full name on it....

What the?....How in Gods name did that get there?

Honestly. Think about that for a second. Try and come up with some answers. You probably wont have any good ones. I know I didn't.

1) This case of beer was sent to me personally by the Brew Master himself, guided by the hand of God.

2) This was a new marketing technique used to invoke the sin of envy. Who is this John Macnamara, and why does he get this pack of beer? Fuck this guy, Im taking it!!

3) Maybe the cashier was trying to pick me up but wrote my name instead of hers...hahaha not likely.

4) I was in the same store a few weeks ago and saw an old acquaintance of an ex. I couldn't remember her name to save my life. I am still good friends with the ex, so during our next conversation I asked what that girls name was again (Nicole). The very same girl was working there again last night in the back. Perhaps when she saw me she got a message to the other girl at the front to perform this little ruse. A nice little way of saying, I remember your FULL name, thanks for not even knowing mine jackass.

AHahahah..

I like option 1 and 2 the best.

Short and Sweet

So I went on another date...

This one had highschool written all over it.

I had gone off to buckfucknowhere for the night a little while ago to have drinks with a friend of mine. It was totally random that I was there, but I had a great time nonetheless. There are only two bars in this town, we hit up both. The first one was like Cheers, he knew everyone in there. The second was more of a mixed crowd of randoms. You had people who were barely 19, and weird 45 year old guys. Pretty much one of those places where everyone in town goes because there is nowhere else to go.

This second bar had a dance floor in the middle that was occupied by all sorts of different folks. The best group had to be this 4some of girls that did not give a shit. They were dancing their asses off to the cheesy tunes and loving it. I don't think they knew anyone else was in the bar. I stood back and admired these girls for enjoying the moment. They were not bombshells by any stretch of the imagination, but they all had character which is better sometimes anyways.

The night went on and as I was looking around but could not find one hot girl....Not one girl in the whole place that I thought was attractive.

Finally ONE girl showed up on the dance floor...One girl out of the entire bar was good looking. Well...That'll do I thought. There is at least one girl to occasionally glance over at and pretend like she's looking back at you in your drunken state. ahahhaha.

2am rolls around and the DJ pipes up: "Ok guys, last song, and lets make this a slow one"

Wha???? Where are we???? The highschool dance?

Anyways, the one attractive girl in the entire bar walks over to me and asks me to dance. Ummmm Hell yes I will!!

So we danced and in the end I got her phone number.

We went out for drinks the other night, which I thought went pretty well. Only thing was she was way more attractive then I had remembered. So here I am looking like my typical bum-self and she's dressed to the nines. Didn't seem to matter because we just sat and talked for hours. I could tell we weren't exactly on the same page as she had super girly girl tendencies. The words: I love shopping, and purses, and pink, and I want Paris Hiltons dog came out at various points. Her actual nickname was Paris Milton which suited her to a tee. But, I've come to learn that all the bombshells, or at least the ones I've met, think this way...so what can you do ha. Aside from the typical uber-girly stuff we got along extremely well on all accounts. The date came to and end and we decided to go see a movie one Friday night.

I had learned over the course of our chats that she was with someone for a year and a half, and they just broke up a few weeks ago. Not exactly something Id normally want to get myself involved with. We texted back and forth for a day or two and then she called me to say she just couldn't date someone right now. So either she was obviously still hung-up on the guy and wanted to spare me, which was thoughtful, or it was an excuse. Did not matter either way.

Tabernac though....She was smoking hot. ahhaha.

I was not surprised, or upset, or anything...I laughed when she said she was sorry.

Look, I've dated enough people to know that this stuff happens all the time and I thanked her for just being honest. I didnt need to even bother telling her I was about as emotionally available as a sea-cucumber...She beat me to it. Ha.

No harm, no Foul.

On an unrelated topic:

It was my pops birthday yesterday...We went out as a family and saw Blood Diamond. This was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Believable characters and plot, good cinematography, able to deliver a message without coming off as preaching, and even a love story that made you feel good despite having an outcome that wasnt...Just really well done and had me on a high after leaving the theater. I don't think that would be the normal reaction to seeing a war-torn part of the world exposed for what it was, but I guess I was focusing on the good, not the bad.

My mom hide her balloon sized ring after the movie ended. hahaha.

Could'nt help myself....

K "fuck" it, this guy is just cool now....Im not afraid to say it.

In a box....

Tis the season...

Number of days left before Christmas : 7

Number of gifts accumulated to date : 1

Number of chocolates and deserts consumed thus far : 87

Number of times I've been wished a Merry Christmas already : 39

Number of times I want to hear that again : -5

Number of Christmas parties to attend : 5

Number of days until I have a week off : Too f'ing many ha (4)

Number of drinks I had the night of my office Christmas party : 20 something I'm sure of it...Thank God the other 16+ were had after the work portion of the night had ended.

Number of bruises I have from that night : 4

Number of regrets that night : many, ha.

Number of kisses I will get on New Years : 0.........Son of a. Didn't plan this very well haha.

Number of things I want to do differently next year : lots.

Number of things I will actually do differently next year : a couple.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!!!!

I'll be out of commission for a while here....Catch you later.

Mother.....I've been.....Living with....A GAY MAN!!!

Oh the shame....its true, its true.

Hahahahaha.

Funny part is? Its kinda correct.

You see, the guy I bought my house off wanted to stay on as a tenant for a few months until he found himself another place to live. The house is set up as a duplex so that worked out perfectly. He paid the mortgage while I fixed up the one apartment. Now that its all ready to go and in the paper to be rented he'll be leaving and I can move into that apartment to do the very same to it.

Funny thing was, this guy turned out to be an older gay man living by himself. And, to add to this the real estate agent was an open bi-sexual guy. Probably why this house went so cheap was the quasi-queer arrangements surroudning it.

No skin off my nose though, I had my laundry done and fresh bread baked for me.

Hahahhaa. Nothing sadder then an old queen I am told.

He leaves in a few weeks, and its time to move.....again.....

Well its about F'ing time.....

It seems some good things have come my way...

1) I finally got a fucking goal in hockey. Only took me??? 7 games? But, it was a three point night for me so I think the curse is gone! I broke in alone and went five-hole. It was like I won the Stanley cup I was so thrilled.




2) I played online poker Friday night and won someone else 200 bucks. They rewarded me with lots of beers for this effort, and I subsequently lost all of it. Hahah. Good times were had though.

3) Today marks one month of no smoking anything what so ever. Anonymous....You can kiss my white ass. Ohhh Herrroo...

4) The waitress did not call me back. This in retrospect is a good thing as it would have been a headache to get out of. I am sure this was a situational infatuation anyways. I just wanted to like someone...So I convinced myself I did. Here I am a week later and I don't care. So, that's that. That, and did I really expect to win someone over like that? ahahah. Im an idiot.

Big thing was getting a #$@#$FA#$#@$ goal. That was starting to bug me dammit!!!

hhaah.

"You want a piece of ME!?!?! YOU GOT IT!!!!!

I'm bored out of my f'ing mind.

I need something besides my houses to occupy my time or I'll go nuts.

The answer to my prayers? Free ski week in Alberta coming up in Feb.

I think it was 4 years ago now that I was last out that way heating up the slopes. Maybe it was 3? Since university its been kinda hard to date things it seems.

Anyways, Pornfield and I headed out to Panorama to stay with a friend of his working on the mountain. My God...What an awesome time that was. The skiing conditions from what I remember were pretty good, no bombs of fresh powder, but the temp was good and the snow was deep enough to enjoy.

Aside from the skiing, we had such a ridiculous time I couldn't wait to do this again. And here we are.

Highlights from the first trip would be Buddious....He was a f'ing ginormous St.Bernard that you could find standing at the end of the bar putting out the vibe while talking Dutch to his owner. The screaming of "Matterhorn" repeatedly at anyone in earshot for no particular reason. The screaming of my friends last name who we just happened to see out there by chance on the chair lift....His last name is pronounced Whore. Almost watching our newly acquired friend get his ass mangled by some jacked-up steroid freak, blue flames galore, and putting on shows for the main chair-lift line that was right outside our window in the early morning.

Butt, the number one highlight would have to be my performance on the 2nd last night.

I think I was the most tanked that night because I took a bet in foesball that each game the loser would buy the winner a beer...Two German tourists took the challenge. So I schooled both of these guys at the same time and many a beer was my reward. Ha.

After the bar we made it back to our room...We were being loud and rowdy and spilled out into the hall after awhile.

This stirred up a few other people from their rooms, including a room of girls down the hall...

What do I do???

It was a combination of Mr.Costanzas fight with Elaine and Party-boy from Jackass stripping in Japan.

I started stripping....Each piece of clothing was spiked down onto the floor with a vengeance. I ended up in the full Monty and then sorta realized what I was doing and ran back into the room ahha.




Best part of all this? There is a full video recording of me doing this. So, somewhere out there is a tape of me stripping totally hammered.

Awesome.

I've never actually seen this, but we are going out to see the same person so maybe I'll get a chance to view this. I am sure its been thrown out, or deleted, or burned. But, here's hoping.

"As in THEE Michael Bolton??"

People say the strangest things sometimes.

I have learned to tune people out for the most part when I can tell they are about to say something completely useless. I have even gotten so good at this that I think they actually believe I am listening to them. The skill is most useful on the phone, but when pulled off in person is like a fine wine...Almost an art form if you ask me. Does this get you into trouble later when people ask you about this or that? Yes, yes it does. The 5% of the time this happens is worth the awkward moment because you can play up any number of excuses as to why you forgot anyways.

Last week I was giving someone my name, and address of the company to ship something to us.

"Why sure...Its John...Macnamara"

"How do you spell that sir"

"M A C N A M A R A"

"M A C A N"

"No madam, M A C N A M A R A"

"Insert address of my company, along with telephone number and fax line"

I think I must have said this grouping of letters and numbers over 2000 times. I say it with different accents sometimes now, or I accentuate different parts.




"Macnamara eh? Any relation to...

(THERE, RIGHT FUCKING THERE!!! That's when I would nod off and start typing another email or processing an order etc)

....Any relation to the twin "Kung-Fu Masters"?"

"Exsqueeze me....Did you say twin Kung-Fu masters?"

Hahhaha I couldn't help but start laughing at this lady on the phone. I felt bad afterwards because I could tell she studied there and didn't need to be getting shit from me. I am sure she understood why I found it humorous though.

I think that's every group of brothers best dream come true, to be kung-fu masters. I know for sure Dave and I joked about something like this...Although I think it was probably more a long the lines of Boondock Saints type work. Love that idea.




Point is....I guess you cant tune EVERYONE out, because you will miss things.

Christ I am bored.

I have a trip coming up in Feburary, but its not soon enough.

Oh BabyGolly!!! That was a Goodie!!!

10 years ago I got my drivers license.

10 years ago I thought it would be fun to throw the E brake on and slide around in my Dads car.

Today, 10 years later, I still think performing this feet is entertaining.

What do both these stories have in common?

Last night with the first real snow fall of the season I managed to smash MY car off a curb and bend my rim much like I did with my Dads car.

Im not sure which time was less funny...

Some things change, and some things never do.

Ha.

And I would walk 500 more...

I didn't fall off the wagon....I got a running start and launched myself off it.

The goal was to not have a drink for a month, and to ultimately cut out all the other bad things in my life. I didn't think I could be drinking and have a realistic chance of losing the other two bad habits.

So its been three weeks and I think I can no longer say I crave that smoke when Im swimming in a bottle of beer. I can also say Im not inclined to talk to herb when Im watching a movie/playing guitar/whatever....I think I actually play more guitar now for someone reason. Weird.

Back to falling off the wagon...I did this in great fashion. Lets start by saying my love life makes about as much sense as the screen door submarine commonly seen patrolling the shores of Newfoundland. I did happen to meet someone new that caught my attention. This has not happened in a long long time. I was at that point where I had forgotten about that feeling and was just bumbling along singing my song so to speak.

She is a friend of one of my friends sisters. She's a waitress at a bar I happened to go to one night out of the blue. I guess she works there part time to pay her way through nursing school. Anyways, we were introduced and I became somewhat smitten with her. I went back a bunch of times to see if she was working but to no avail. Id have a quick pint on my stops, and then be on my way. I've been told this is stalker like behavior. ahhaha. Sue me.

I show up on Friday and she is finally there working. I plop myself down at the bar and have a few pints while I work out what the hell I'm going to do, and or say. We said hellos as we caught eyes, but she was super busy so I didn't make a point of going over to talk to her right away. God, Im such a chicken. 4 or 5 pints later two of my friends show up and we continue to enjoy the mixture of hops and barely. 8 or 9 pints later they could see what I was about to do and did their best to stop me; but, I guess I lied and told them I was going to the bathroom and B-lined it to her.

This is what I came up with....Both times I've been there she has had guys try and pick her up. So instead of being that guy, I devised this....I would give her my phone number and SHE could start this if she wanted to, rather then have me hit on her.

So I drop my business card down in front her with my phone number on it, say nothing, and walk out.

What?!?! Why??? hahahaha. Christ Almighty....

The last time I had to drink myself stupid before I could muster up enough courage to talk to a girl I was 19.

I left my car there that night obviously, as my friends dropped me off. The next day I went for a walk......A long walk......Back to this bar to get my car. Must have been over an hour or so. On my travels I got some good pictures.




I love beech trees. They are always the last ones to loose their leaves, and physical structure of the trunks is always so cool.




This just seemed so out of place...There's no f'ing snow on the ground...Hell Hamilton was under 5 feet of water on Friday. Thank god it didn't get my houses. I would have been so pissed.




This topped it all off though:




This is a picture of the actual street sign from my first house. How sadly true this name is....But also funny as hell.

As I was going to put these pics on my computer I found this video of "Bosco" which is all I have left now....Single tear....Ha.

To cap off the weekend we had a big family shindig to celebrate my great aunts 80th birthday. This women has broken more bones then professional stunt men, but she just keeps on ticking. I don't know how she's made it as far as she has. Stubborn one that Shirley.




My family is hilarious...Its been a while since I've taken that amount of verbal abuse..."You live where?? My god...Are you trying to kill your poor mother? How are you ever going to attract a wife living there.....And why aren't you married yet anyways? Do you even have a girl friend???"

Holyshitballs....backoff, or I will just marry one of the extra friendly girls from that area to shut yah up!! haha.

P.S....I saw a hooker, who wasn't bad looking, get picked up by a nasty nasty old man...It was depressing. haha.

Now that was a random post....Me likey.

That has got to be the furthest past E ever!!!

So I f'ing Kramered myself last night....

No I didn't get up in front of a room full of complete strangers and blurt our racial slurs until the entire world caught notice.

What I did do:

I was running a bit late for work yesterday so I drove to the office on empty. I knew I had just hit empty so there should be no problem making it there. After work I was extremely lazy and didn't feel like stopping to fill up. So, I played with fire and cruised home on fumes. I had a hockey game at 7 which crept up on me like that butler in Mr.Deeds. This left me no time to stop for gas either. Not sure if I would make it there or not I thought I would test out the limits of this so called "empty" concept on my gas gauge. Sure enough I made it to hockey!!!

Short recap: I corralled the puck out of mid-air at center ice with only one man left, whom I undressed, and broke in all alone on the goalie only to have the same no-talent assclown slash me at the last second. I also had an empty net shot from our end curve right 10 feet before the net in the dying seconds of the game. The law of averages says my unlucky streak will end soon.

After the game it was time to ask myself one question....Did I feel lucky? Yes, yes I did. I jumped into the "Black Bitch" and rode off into the night like a bat out of hell.

I had to make one stop before heading home which was at the other end of town. This meant I would have to cross over the Skyway bridge. This is not a small bridge. I often have dreams where I am on this thing and it starts to buckle and shake until it goes more and more vertical and then I just wake up. This dream sucks. I had one dream the other night where I was rocking out to MC Hammers "Cant touch this" with a crew of dead pirates....Don't even ask cause I just don't know. Anyways, I made it over the bridge, ran my errand, and headed home.

"IM GOING TO MAKE IT!!!" "IM GOING TO MAKE IT"

Hell I even got to the point where I contemplated that the gas gauge was just a big conspiracy. In fact, there is no such thing as gas!! Cars run on fun!! And this one man Thelma and Louise pleasure cruise was never going to end!!!

Chug.....Chug....Cough....Hiccup....Chug...........

Shit.

The party came to a sudden and abrupt end downtown in the North East end of Hamilton.

Gas is real folks, and cars do not run without this.

Hahahaha.