God Dammit

One of my best friends, if not the closest and longest friend I've ever had, had his mother pass away last night. She had terminal cancer for quite some time now and was fighting a good fight. Every time I saw her she looked healthy and seemed in good spirits. Must have just been that much stronger to keep that up for everyone else.

I was a lot younger when his first mother passed away...She was the only person I've ever been close to that died.

It just doesn't seem fair.

Smoking was to blame here...kinda makes me want to smash everyone I know who smokes like a champ...but to each their own. I am no Saint.

I watched Saw 1 and 2 last night...kinda goes hand and hand with this day.

Do you appreciate life? I do not think I do. I live each day as if there are a million more to make something out of...I live waiting for things that may never come instead of being a little more Capre Diem if you will.

A lesson to us all...Life is precious, and easily squandered...So make the most out of it. Buy that puppy you see in the paper, take that trip to some sun-soaked beach, ask out that girl you've been staring at in gleeful awe, get that job you love, or quit that BS job you have, confront that person you need to about the wrongs they've cause you, take that risk you doubt yourself on, punch out that asshole that gave you shit for no reason....K maybe don't do that one.... But you get the point...

I never really see death as a negative thing. I was told once the only reason why people are sad when a person dies is selfishness. They are sad because they will not have that person in their life...That their time has come and they now can rest in peace and you should celebrate for them. I believe in that very much. Will I be a ball a tears when someone close to me passes?

Yes, Yes I will.

Margie...You made a lot of people smile while you were here, including me.

You will be remembered, and missed.

The politically incorrect version of Halloween

I had a Halloween party on Saturday night, and I must admit, people went all out on their costumes...Well some of them. I don't think the two jackasses sporting coat hangers around their necks, pretending to be aborted fetuses that made it, put too much effort into theirs.




We had successful suicide bombers stuck in purgatory:




Steve Erwin...He actually won 2nd prize purely based on the level of distastefulness it brought to the table.




There was of course some good "normal" costumes...By that I mean less offensive.



















The 3rd place prize went to the toothbrush complete with aging strip.




First place went to this couple for relevance, wit, and detail...

I give you Tie Domi and Belinda Stronach:




There were other highlights, like the 5 of spades, a pair of dice, and Richie Tenenbaum. No idea where the camera was at that point?

Yes it was a gooder....




I think I was trying to combine Dumb and Dumber and Kung Fu Hustle....

To pat? Or, not to pat?

This will be the conclusion of the "So I went on a date" post.

How can I be writing a conclusion already? Well its simple....The introduction was the top part of the bun, and this post will be the bottom part of the bun.

So where's the beef??? (God, I miss those commercials) you might ask?....Where's the juicy details? I can sum this up very briefly by saying she grabbed the ketchup, mustard, and relish all at once, laid them down on the floor, and jumped on them.

This little thing, whatever it was, went from zero to 60 in 2 dates.

Extremely sweet girl, very cute, good family, is a MASSAGE THERAPIST!!!, blah blah blah. Nothing really wrong on paper....However, something was not right here.

After 2 dates it was like she had known me for years, and as if we had been dating for just as long. In my head it was "Hum, she seems nice, maybe we should hang out again sometime... Yah that would be nice... Maybe I will call her on the weekend and see a movie or something. Yah that's a good idea". I do not think this was what was going on in her head. I knew we were about 2000 miles apart when I came out from work to find a note on my car from her in my windshield. It was an "Aw, just wanted to say hello, I miss you already somehow, was driving past your office anyways and saw your car, and just needed to say hello..Hope you don't mind, Im not nuts, I just really like you" letter.....Oh crap. haha.

How in the hell did this happen already? Like there's little hearts in the note, and in the emails, and texts...Jebus. Yes I know what its like to fall head over heels for someone. Just been awhile since someone did that over me...Was not ready for that one at all.

So...Here's the shitty, yet great part about this; I am absolutely terrible at hurting peoples feelings...Its a character flaw for sure. The shiity part is obviously hurting her, the great part is that I had the balls to do it. Haha. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? But, Im actually proud of myself for doing this.

To a guy this will look like "Ya..I guess you did the right thing...You could have just gone along with it, had a lot of fun, and then bolted, but it was the right thing to put a stop to this"

To a girl this will look like "WTF!!! Your damn right you're breaking this off asshole"...(throw in a short novel of other shit that all pretty much means exactly what I just said above).

The only thing is that maybe I didn't give this enough time? That would be the only reason for not making that phone call. For me, I just know things like that within a few weeks. It is either there, or it's not.

Plus, I really have no business dating anyone anyways. Ha. Just curious I suppose.

What was I thinking? Wont be doing that again anytime soon.

Anyways, patting myself on the back for this one.

"Who does he think he is? He cant say that to me?..Can he?

"There are only four types of officer. First, there are the lazy, stupid ones. Leave them alone, they do no harm. Second, there are the hard-working, intelligent ones. They make excellent staff officers, ensuring that every detail is properly considered. Third, there are the hard-working, stupid ones. These people are a menace and must be fired at once. They create irrelevant work for everybody. Finally, there are the intelligent, lazy ones. They are suited for the highest office."

General Erich Von Manstein (1887-1973) on the German Officer Corps

I Know which one I am. Do you?

After my boss blasted my work ethic to bits and pieces I came back with this story....That, and evidence that this department is running about 200% more efficient then it ever has in the past.

The next day I overheard she wanted to fire me for having the audacity to make such claims about the structure of human nature in the food chain of the business world.

Now, she is the hard-working intelligent type, so naturally she hates my type. I get the same or better results with half the effort. This is a piss off. Ha.

Anyways, point of this post was to share my epiphany. I am going to start my own business. Nothing crazy, just going to start up my own property rental company. I cant purchase another house under my name, so why not create some numbered company, grab some cash from the gov and nab a few more houses. This will mean sweet tax write-offs, and if it all goes down the shitter I keep my properties, declare bankruptcy and only lose what the business owned. I would never let that happen, but its nice to know I can do this risk free for the most part.

I only do what I have to, to get the things I want done. There is always a balance in this wonderful thing we call life. Everything in life can be broken down into a net gain comparison with a break-even point. You can do a little bit more, but is it worth it?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

And in business, its always easy to see the equilibrium. In life? Not so easy. Ha.

Lick My Nuts CT!!!!

I take everything for granted as much as I possibly can....Or at least I've now slowly come to realize this.

I am also a firm believer in "If you ignore the problem it will just go away" too...

These work wonders for somethings, and cause nothing but trouble in other areas.

My car for example.....I don't know if its possible to be more aloof to an object that one is suppose to take pride in. There has been a problem with my brakes for quite sometime now. The problem being they are worn down to the bolts and every time I stop you can feel them tearing into the rotors. This is amplified by the loud grinding sound heard commonly amongst 1987 Oldsmobile drivers in the Northern East end of Hamilton.

I figured I would ride these out until I started going through red lights. I actually witnessed this last week. Some asshole in a pickup truck locked his wheels, went right through the red, and made his turn while being locked-up the whole time. It was like he was a professional at this?

I also needed an oil change and my one headlight was out...Enough was enough.

I headed over to Crappy-Tire to get the oil changed, headlight replaced, and just a heads up on what needed to be done with my brakes. The estimate for my brakes was $550 bucks...See the title of my post.

Are you kidding me...$550 bucks. I don't think so....So, for $134.95 I picked up the parts myself and with the help of a friend put them in. There isn't much to doing your brakes, but there is some repercussions if you do this incorrectly ahahaha.

So I saved a bundle, but if you read about a smoldering pile of ash on the side of the road that once resembled a Grand Am with a unidentifiable twink behind the wheel...Just know that I was already cursing myself with the phrase: "Well, are yah happy now? Where are you going to spend that extra cash now dumbass"

HAhaha, CT can still lick my nuts.

I am lucky...

I am lucky for many reasons, but one would have to be my family. Despite a few funny situations we are all pretty lucky to have each other. My Father and my one Uncle are not the best of friends at times, and Id have to say my Mother does not get along so well with my Grandmother. Other then that we are disgustingly normal, protective, and loving. And even those two other situations never really see the light of day...More of a behind the scenes kinda thing.

Anyways....Why am I so lucky? Well, I still have all four of my Grandparents. I think I can only name a few others at the age of 26 to be in this situation.

However, they are getting older and this will not last forever. My dads Mom is in the hospital this week to take care of a blood clot they found in her. I think she's going to be ok, but it was scary to think she would leave this place....She has lived a good life to say the least. An amazing strong-minded women that does not take no for an answer. It is her way, or no way at all!!! But she managed to have this attitude and still come off with a heart of gold somehow. Never met a person quite like her. Perhaps why my Grandfather could not live without her. I am worried about him too if she passes. Im basically scared for both of them...I have this feeling that if one goes, the other will follow shortly.

This would not be the same situation on my mothers side....Remember "The Neverending Story"? Ya my grandparents on my Moms side are that midget scientist couple with Falcor as a pet. I think they would enjoy the peace and quite ahhahahaha.

Anyways, my thoughts are out there for you Big Grandma....

Hey, give me a hand here?

Well I went to Toronto again....But this time around I actually behaved myself.

I was out with my cousin, my sister, and some of her friends. Everyone in this group is a little older so it wasn't going to be one of those crazy nights anyways. We ended up downtown at a dance bar called Montanas. I have been to this place once before, but it was like 3 years ago now?

Its a restaurant on the main floor, and then upstairs is split into two separate rooms with different music going in both. I danced my ass off to top 40 crap in the one room, and made an ass of myself dancing to country in the other part.

There is also a roof top patio part for smokers...That is where the only other time I've been here comes into play.

PDA's....Never really been a fan of that, but in the right situation it just seems natural. However, there are boundaries for this sort of thing. The last time I was here I was put into one of the most unusual situations I've ever been in.




Im sitting at a table with a large group of our friends and beside me is my girl friend at the time. This is the only time I've ever dated a sorority girl. I could write a short novel on this relationship....Funniest break up ever. Anyways, lets just say this girl was not shy....At all....So here I am surrounded by my friends and she starts giving me a hand if you know what I mean. It was damn cold that night, and her hands were like isicles...Needless to say this didn't feel very good. So not only am I nervous as hell that at any second this little fiasco could be brought to the attention of everyone there, but Im not even enjoying this...I look over at her and she's got this devilish smile on her face so I pretend this is fun and don't say anything....Terrible.

Lesson to be learned here, there is a time and a place for everything....

A similar situation happened in Australia with a stripper who was traveling around with us in our van....Different outcome. haha. Again, time and a place...

"Whats his name? Yah get him out of here". Oh Pornfield...

Wham, Bam, Thank you Ma'am

Leave it to me to make something like this happen.

A girl at my office has a friend who recruits people to enter into marketing research groups. Some of these groups are specific to a person in my line of work, purchasing. They get paid by the head so any warm body with my title nets them a few bucks. Being the nice guy that I am, and a fan of a quick buck, I allowed her to put my name on the call out list.

Yesterday I was off sick from work when I got a call from this lady.

"Hello John, would you be interested in participating in a focus group on telecommunications today?"

"Yes, yes I would"

It wasn't till later in the day so I didn't feel guilty about going to this and not work. I knew I was going into work today come rain or shine anyways...I am sure my boss was ready to cut my balls off. I was still hacking and coughing up crap that could stop bullets today, but I had to go.

Anyways, I hopped in my car and took a nice relaxing drive down to Toronto. I then took my time finding some free parking (God Im cheap) and made my way over to the "something and something" tower.

I figured out where suite 804 was, popped my head in to find this staring back at me:




I searched for awhile to find a picture to do this receptionist justice, and this is what I came up with. Pretty damn close.

The deal is I watch some video, answer a few questions, and then enter into a group discussion with the other purchasers about what we've just been presented. This whole process is suppose to take roughly 2 hours. At the end we are handed 150 bucks in a nice white envelope and sent packing.

I sat in the waiting room with the other buyers who are all like twice my age. Being the only one born remotely close to the same decade as the receptionist I chatted her up to pass the time.

We finally sign some forms, and are told to make our way into the board room....Everyone but me? WTF....Did I spell my name wrong? Oh god...Do I have to like mediate, or mark, or what...What's going on here??

Nope...The nice receptionist comes back and explains they've simply booked too many people for the test and I was last one booked in. So she handed me 150 bucks, thanked me for my time, and was allowed to be on my way...ahhaha.

So, I drove to T.O....starred at some fake boobs, ate some free cookies, and for my efforts I was handed 150 dollars.

God Bless America!!!

So I went on a date

Its been ages....I don't even know the last time I went out on a "date".

What do you talk about? Where do you go? What do you wear? Just be yourself, or try and figure out what works for now and then subject them to the real you ahha.

I wasn't feeling well so I was considering bailing on the dinner, but decided to suck it up, and throw caution to the wind. She'll either like me the way I am or not. So I showed up whacked off tylenol sinus and neo-citron and offered her the real me.




Apparently this worked....No idea where this is going, or where I want it to go, but more dates to come.

Thank God Im sick as it gave me the get of jail free card on the awkward "do you give the kiss good night or not" question.

Blows my mind

This thought was inspired by the unfortunate plane crash that happened yesterday afternoon in New York.

Isnt it interesting that something can happen on the complete other side of the world and we can hear about it 10 minutes later in a news ticker on www.cnn.com. Doesnt even really matter how important it is sometimes. Someone told someone that someone heard about a guy that was party to a group of people that heard Osama Bin Ladin took a shit yesterday. Wonderful....That's right up there with what Michael Jackson is doing on the list of things I don't care about.

This plane crash for instance....Did not affect my friends, did not affect my family, didn't affect my place of work, my city, my province, or even my bloody country. Yet, it is the headline of the day because its a plane that went into a building...How stupid is that? This poor guys death (I heard he was a pitcher for the Yankees?) will be overshadowed by talks of potential terrorism.

My question is why is this stuff pumped out over the air-waves? Why does it matter?

My point is...It doesn't. To 99.9% of the people out there things like this do not matter. It will not affect their daily life what so ever....So why broadcast it like crazy? Just to stir up talks of 911 all over again? To create more fear? Way to go guys.

OR

Do events like this matter? Does the sweet old lady who hears about this poor guy dying for no good reason get sad and tired. Does it cause her to tell her grand daughter not to come by that day because she would like to lay down, and to reschedule their game of scrabble for another day. Does this in turn allow her grand daughter to stay home and watch her younger brother so that her older sister can go out and party hardy that night? Does this give the older sister the opportunity to meet some guy at a concert and get invited to the after party? On route to the party is it possible that the guy has had to much to drink at the show and crashes their car into a minivan carrying a family home from a visit at the wives parents? Did the sister and the intoxicated guy happen to kill the women who was pregnant with the future president of the United States that was going to take a stand and do his best to turn around this backwards society we have all help to build? Is it all connected like that?

To me....It didn't really mean a thing. I feel bad for his family and friends, but I feel even worse for the people who have to sleep at night knowing that its their job to promote this stuff.

Rant...Over. Ha.

Is it just me?

Or does hotmail have no f'ing clue what time it is?

When I get emails and am curious about the time these were sent there is no way of knowing. Why? Because hotmails internal clock is messed up. I get an email from someone at 2pm and it said It was sent at 5am. It makes no sense...

Also, this 30 day activation thing was a bit of a piss off. I mean those forwards were going around for ever saying they would shut down hotmail if you didn't forward this on, or send this person money, or get naked and run around the office...But this time it actually happened and I wasn't ready for it. I had a pretty much every email that was ever sent to me in my life stored in a few different accounts that Id started over the years. I only really use one now, but the others had funny old emails that I might have liked to read again someday....buuuuuuutt nooooo they are all gone now. Oh well.

C'est la vie...

Highlights

So much happened this weekend that I cant even bother to pick out one thing to talk about.

-Dinner and a movie Friday night
-Wedding Saturday night
-Annual walk with the family somewhere in there
-2.5 turkey dinners
-Hockey game with the boys
-Watching kids carve out pumpkins...Its amazing how much fun pumpkin guts are to kids for the first time.
-Three-wheeling it through fields at dusk.

For some reason the last one was the best of them all. I haven't been on one of those things in ages. I think the last time was quite memorable for me, and is why I enjoyed the ride so much. It was probably 7 years ago when my girl friend at the time was driving us back from her tree fort after having Tarzan and Jane sex. hahhaha. We saw a coyote on the way back, and I distinctly remember having this dumb smirk on my face and grinning away at the thing as we rode past.

Was a great weekend...

Oh, got a text message my from tenant several minutes after I had called to see what the freaking deal was.

"Don't reply to this message (please) Im with Keith all weekend, sorry I haven't called sooner, yes I like the other place and will be out on the 14th, My dad was suppose to call you. I will be in touch this week, thanks for being so understanding"

Does this sound like someone who is 29?

Ahhhhh home sweet home...

It was hockey night in Canada last night for two reasons. The NHL started up for us leaf fans, and it was my first real game in over 3 years. I played in university but then dropped off the map with the sport. Lack time? Lack of motivation? Who knows...What's important now is that I'm playing again. I missed the game to be quite honest.

I had forgotten what it felt like to be a part of this world. The terrible smell in the locker room, the porno up in the rink-rats office (this is still there, but has been modernized as I saw the guy looking at porn on this computer), and the beers afterwards.

After I saw the guy looking at this on his computer I thought to myself, man get some class... At least close the blinds for Christ sake, there's little kids running around. Then I went to put on my jersey and noticed the only one I had in my bag was the team I played for in Uni...Its a picture of a girls legs spread open with our team name in the middle .... Snatch.... hahaha. Perhaps I am guilty of having no class myself. But whatever, this is hockey and there is no room for that sort of thing here anyways...

We tied our first game, and I even got some points so I was happy about that. I died half way through the game though, so getting in shape will now become key because I hate to lose.

Things also worthy of note:

-I got an email from my boss today saying I was number 2 on the absenteeism list!!

-My house is starting to look more like a home, rather then a waste land of forgotten furniture.

-My great uncles old "home" of 30 some odd years was pretty much blown up yesterday by ligtening...

-Have another wedding to attend on Saturday, so Im pumped about that!

.....Oh and my tenant is still stupid....Just thought Id throw that in there. haha.

What goes around comes around...

I have been handed a monkey wrench...Now depending on how I handle this it could be a good thing, or it could be very, very shitty.

My tenant in my old house fell in love with the place the second she saw it. The lease was signed almost the next day with her fathers approval.

She was single at this point....

3 weeks later the ex is back in the picture and is now involved in this whole situation. She had sent me a text one day asking when she could get the keys...I wrote back hours later saying what ever worked for her. Buddy is around when I send this and he gets pissed. So now he hates this whole situation, and me for just being a guy I suppose. She even came out and said he's just jealous that I have houses at this age and blah blah blah. She assured me this would not be a problem just as long as I was not at the house fixing stuff without him there.

Weird....But fine....

Move in day comes and goes. I meet the guy and he seems nice enough. We all have a few beers and a few laughs and I make me way back to my new house.

I get a call the next day from her saying she cant live there anymore and would like to back out of the lease.

Holyf balls....Like why didn't this occur to you the other 3 times you came by to see the place.

When I came over to talk about it all with her and her father she claimed the neighborhood was the problem. This I buy...But when her dad left she said she just couldn't handle the stress of her bf giving her a hard time about me. That sounds like a great relationship...Im not some guy at a bar trying to bang her...Im her landlord, and unless he is worried about some terrible B movie scenario happening where I come over to clean out her "pipes" he's got some issues.

****I do not want to date your girl friend buddy!!****

Now being the pushover that I am I think I am going to let her out of the lease for several reasons.

1) She is not happy. I would not like her to be unhappy in this place...I was born without that asshole gene somehow. Well, depends who you ask I suppose.

2) I still get to keep first and last months rent plus damages...So if I find someone right away I score $700.

3) Karma...I bought a BMW by mistake on eBay once, and the guy was nice enough to let me out of it. I believe I owe somebody one...And this nice girl just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

I am now officially a landlord.

Bloody surfs giving me shit....hahaha

This just in...Girls don't really like guys with beards!

They tolerate them I think...but do not like them.

How do I know this? Well, I have been conducting some very scientific research you see. Ive been rocking this bad boy of a beard for I don't even know how long now. I shave it off periodically, scream bloody murder, and then grow it right back. This time however, I shaved it off for the most part and have kept it off...I have a little 5 o'clock shadow thing going on.

Girls do not approach me when Im out, and I do not bother approaching them...I just don't care, and it seems neither do they...or do they?

Since the beard shaving I think I have been hit on about 7 or 8 times. Now normally this would not be post worthy, but this shit just doesn't happen to me that often out of the blue.

And the only reason why I bother mentioning it is because it almost killed me this weekend.

I was in Toronto for a engagement party for two old friends. Awesome people....I think Im in love with the groom-to-be. Anyways, apparently I caught the eye of one girl there...I guess she had asked about me...She was cute and seemed nice, but I did nothing about it.

The night goes on and everyone is drinking more now...Apparently a lot more because while I was leaning over a railing talking to my friend Will and the guy from LEN (steal my sunshine...remember that song?) I had my ass obliterated. hahaha. Let me explain, I was slapped rather hard and did nothing about it as I figured it was one of my good friends...And I was in mid convo anyways...When I did nothing this apparently sent a signal to other person to unleash hell on my butt...hahaha. I finally turn around to question the need for the spanking only to find out it was not one of my friends, it is some rowdy girl whom I have barely even said hello to at this point in my life. Ha...Someone needs to get laid.

After the beating, I figured Id go roof top to get some fresh air. While I was up there I was introduced to another girl who seemed to be hilarious...So we chatted for awhile until it was time to go our separate ways.

Half the crowd went back to the studio with that LEN guy to record some tracks, and the other half went home to crash. As we are making our way down the stairs from the pub to split the girl from the roof top decides to show her affection by football tackling me at the top of the stairs....This was a bad bad idea....hahaha we went ass over end all the way down until we crashed into a few other people...

So ya, I think girls dig the no beard look...News to me..haha. Not really, but oh well.

Maybe I should just grow my beard back....Its safer.