BOSCO!!!! What did she say? It sounded like Bosco?

Last weekend was dedicated to grown up things....This weekend was dedicated to having fun.

Friday night I ended up at a stag and doe for a cousin of a friend I guess. Didn't really know many people, and had almost no idea who the bride and groom were. But a few drinks were had to celebrate the happy couple regardless.

It was a good friends B-day last Thursday. He resides in downtown Toronto now, so we do not see each other as much...T's a shame. Was one of the only people I could say whatever the hell I wanted to, do whatever the hell I wanted around, and he would always get it. One of those friends you could sit there and laugh your ass off for absolutely no reason at all...priceless.




I took him out for dinner to La Luna for his birthday. After dinner we headed over to a house party thrown by a guy from my old high-school. Hadn't seen these people in years....way too funny. I decided to get classy for this one....Bottle of wine, no glass.

My kitty kat was sick as a dog (ha)....I think the little bastard ate something outside that he shouldn't have. He sat around the house and didn't do anything for about 2 days. He had actually stopped eating and drinking as well. Kinda scared me.




I thought it might have to do with the heat, and the fact that I changed his food. So I got the AC going, and went back to the old food hoping this would fix the problem. I don't think that's what helped him, but whatever...Hes all better now. Ha

Heres a snipit of what my place looks like on the inside now....I'll show ya the outside next week when Im done fixing it.




And last but not least, the wedding. I had a Sunday wedding for an old friend. We went to high-school together and were friends then. Not best friends, but we got along. We ended up at the same university and in 2nd year we moved in together along with 5 other guys. I had no f'ing clue he would be the first guy to go....I was going to guess last...




But, he's a great guy and his WIFE!! is a good match for him. Andy is an extremely patient man, and his wife Erin is a demanding, controlling, crazy lady...but loves Andy very much. So it works...Funny how complete opposites compensate for each other.

"SIXTY FOUR DIVIDED BY SIXTEEN!!!!!"

My place of business decideded to hold its first annual company golf tournament. I loved the idea!! My companies atmosphere at work is about as much as say a morgues. But, a few things have changed and I think its for the better.

We all met up at this mid to high end golf course in Burlington for a tee-off time of 4pm. I made it there at 4:05. Flew into the parking lot, grabed the clubs outage the back and ran to the first tee box. (Was having a few pints before down at Hess to send off a good friend to Ireland...Again...Ha) Turns out I'm in the second group to go and the first had just finished. Now that my friends is a man destined for JIT inventory management. Anyways..




I round the corner and waltz up onto the tee box to start streching. haah. My sales manager goes first and puts it into the woods...so that makes me feel a little better.

Now my turn...

K, so anyone who doesnt golf?...just dont bother reading this actually...cause you wont care...ha.

Its my first shot of the day, my whole company (minus the four that just teed off) is standing behind me, and Im playing with a set of hand-me-downs from my dad that are sized wrong...my dad just needed an excuse to get new ones for himself I think....But ya, all that combined kinda threw me off.




I wasnt like crazy nervous or anything, but I do blame this shot on the reasons above...

I blast off a three iron shot....which if hit right was going to the moon....instead??

A close second!

Ha, I smash it off a lamp post and send it into the parking lot containing some half decent cars...cars whos owners are standing behind me.

ahhahaahha...it was sweet. I dont think I hit anything, but Wow...that really couldnt have gone much worse.

Reverse AC

Did a couple things on the weekend to make the push towards renting out my house. I needed a new stove as my current one does not, and has never, worked. Also, I think any house should have one of these....a dishwasher of course. Who in the F would want to wash dishes by hand anymore? I don't mind working with my hands, but washing dishes is such a piss off to me.

The day of reckoning did not quite work as planned though. It was raining so I couldn't finish staining the deck, or paint the bricks in the front. Also, the store we were picking up the stove from wasn't open...who knew. Ha.

In a random turn of events my parents did drop off an air conditioner for me. I was complaining about how I was melting at night. I had talked about going to get something for the window, just something cheap. Something was better then nothing.

They came over with this thing instead....




Things like R2D2...bloody huge...and ugly. I would not have cared if the thing worked at least. But, for the first day or two it seemed to only make my house warmer...ahhahha.

Works fine now...just need to find a place to hide it away so it blends in...




The dishwasher also needs a home...working on that one.

No Heaven in Heaven

You may, or may not have heard the song "No Heaven" by DJ Champion. First heard this driving back from Muskoka in a state so hungover I think I became delusional. In my delusions I conjured up what I think would suit the song as a video.

In a nutshell, a random guy walking down some back alleys, kinda lost, would stumble upon a sign that reads:

"Best kept secret in town, 25 cents"

He would shrug he shoulders and enter, ensuing he has nothing better to do, so why not. There's a chair in the middle of the room, and nothing else. It would be a mostly wooden room, dark, with windows off to one side providing some light. After he slowly makes his way to his seat, he sits down and begins to take in his surroundings. He sees a coin slot in the chair and is more then happy to insert a shiny quarter into it. He's kinda puzzled, but remains seated, waiting for whatever is to come next.

Suddenly, curtains are closed in all around him, leaving him in darkness....he would take out his lighter to try and help the current situation. Upon doing so he would start to see something like this.

The rest of the video is pretty easy to envision. It would get to a point where he's totally mesmerized...at this junction hed get slapped, and snap out of it only to be surrounded by people, kinda in a club atmosphere, and it would be completely strob-light lit, and done mostly in slow motion...

At the end, hed leave the building and been seen doing one a few things:

a) taking down the sign and running away
b) smashing a parking meter to get more quarters

or

c) smiling away like an idiot as he walks down the street...

Reporting Live from downtown Hamilton

I think I could easily turn this blog into news broadcast about all the shitty things that happen down by my neighborhood.

Last week cop cars were all over my street again as some old man went missing. They think he was kidnapped. I didn't even bother to try and figure this one out.




I did get involved in something that happened two nights ago though. Why? Cause I am too nice....I need to fix this.

A little girl was rollerblading at the end of the street and got smoked by a car. I saw the dent she put in the car....I figured she was going to be broken...Everywhere.

Just as I am about to go to bed I remember the top is down in my car. That is one thing I failed to mention in my last post. I had left it down while we were at the bar, so to top it all off I drove home in a convertible puddle....So anyways, I go outside to put it up and I hear "Hey, hey, guy with the car". Never been called guy with the car before, but I figured he was talking to me. He had just come onto the scene and wanted to go see his little sister at the hospital and needed a lift.




I could have been a dick and said any number of excuses to get out of it. But, I thought all this guy wants to do is see his sister at the hospital. So I caved.

We get there and there is still another 6 people to be seen before her. There is no way in hell I'm sticking around here for hours and hours. I get in line to see the receptionist for a pen and paper to give these guys my cell so they can call when its all over and done with. The lady in front of me happens to be a few peanut butter sandwiches short of a picnic. She gets to the front and asks them to pay for her cab down here because she simply has no money. They say no, and the cabbie gets pissed at the nutty lady....She couldn't stick up for herself so I gave the guy the money I had been given to run down here in the first place and leaves.

I get the hell out of there only to find my time in the drop off parking has expired and I now owe 4 bucks, exactly what I had given the cabbie...I have no more cash...wtf...I tried to use my credit card but no dice. There's a sign saying parking office downstairs...So I get out of my car and make my way down 6 flights of stairs, how long is six flights of stairs? Well apparently its 4 bucks, cause when I got down there I now owed 8 bucks, not 4. Karma came to the rescue and he let me go for free.

I got home only to get a phone call at 5:30am to pick them up....

No body better get hit on my street again....Although I wish I was an ambulance driven, I am not one.

Maybe if I do nice things I wont get robbed by these people....ahhaahah

Oh ya?....OH YA?....OHHHHH YAAA??!?!

Drinking contests are never a good idea....unless there is the remote possibility of a positive outcome...

Typically, unless getting beyond the normal limits of an alcohol induced state of insanity is your goal, there really is no upside. You may argue pride as the victors sweet nectar of satisfaction. This glorified state however, is suddenly the furthest thing from your mind when the room turns into the Gravitron on you.




I had a busy day Friday. First I was out with some big shot for lunch where I had a sweet cold pint of Sleemans to smooth over my afternoon. I don't know why, but one beer at lunch is equivalent to three beers at night for me. After work I headed over early to my friends stag to consume more delicious beer. Lots of cool prizes and the tastiest little piggy you've ever had. I now think pig skin is the best thing ever....didn't see that one coming. I knew the total of 2 people there, so I paid my respects to the Groom, and made my way over to my second stop of the night: poker. I love poker.

Met up with a few of the boys, and some of their friends visiting from Ireland. They were here for a wedding that kinda hit the skids last minute...2nd time I think haah. Anyways, I racked up a few more brews during this...I think the counts around 7 beers now. Usually I do not keep a direct tally of what I drink. I realize Im doing exactly what D.C. would make fun of white people for, but the number is important to whats left of my pride later in the story.

We finish with poker and make our way over to the local watering-hole. 3 pitchers later and the introduction of the "Irish CarBomb" to the Irish boys I find myself saying these words:

"Ya!!! Lets have a drinking competition!! Loser pays the bill!!!!"

This broken sentence of stupidity shall never leave my lips again....

The guy Im drinking with is twice my size and is from Ireland....So hes IRISH, not pretend Irish like me....

How many drinks Ive had before contest begins?....hard to say, my guess is around 11.

We start off with 2 carbombs each, then its 2 shots of Jaeger each, then I think it went back to 2 car bombs again, then over to Zambucha...2 each of course...then it was tequila...the last shot of tequila was like a depth charge in my stomach...

The second it hit I knew it was all over....

Now keep in mind that little blurb about what we drank was all in a matter of 20-25 mins....

I B-LINE!!! it downstairs and burst into the Mens room....It was like someone hooked up a fire hose to me and let it rip...I basically redecorated the bathroom in this place...



When it was all over I sat back and admired what I had created....kinda like in Stand by Me....haahaha.

I dont even feel all that drunk at this point, Im just super tired and look like a waste of human space. So when the first stranger enters the room I smiled and laughed as I stood there in my boxers cleaning the barf off the better half of my pants.

This great idea cost me $200. The only partial saving grace was my counter part apparently feel asleep on the shitter that night, and woke up around 2pm. Hahahaha.

The next day was cool too....Lurched out of Mikes condo around 10am to randomly bump into this girl who lived on my floor first year Uni...

"Oh my god, how are you?!?!?!....havent seen you in ages!!!"

This was actually great....I finally got to answer this question the flat out opposite of what the person expected.

"Actually.....Im terrible"

hahha, explained my situation, hugged, and parted ways. Shes a cute kid, I think im going to try and set my brother up with her....

Del Boca Vista

Welcome to wild wonderful world of extreme bocce ball.

Not only is the landscape treacherous, but the combatants are also slightly left of center. Bocce is suppose to be played on a flat surface...However, we go on slopes, different levels, and a few times even into the pool...that game is usually pretty stpuid.




Spent the weekend/other random days lounging by my parents pool....Its hard to leave this house...well, when they are not there its really nice. Its nice when they are there too, but you can't really enjoy it the same way.




Even got some poker in...after "Zizou" smashed his head off that silly I-Ti...I probably would have liked to do the same thing to half that team, but for f sakes, keep your shit together for 5 seconds, kick a penalty, and go home a hero...idiot.




Ya life is rough when they go away...AC, a pool, and food...

Its like being on vacation for me.

While the cats are away...

My dad had a business trip booked to France for a while now, and just by chance the Frenchies happened to advance to the World Cup finals. So, hes going to be there to take part in the insanity that will ensue should they bring home the cup. My mom is also tagging along on this week long conference....to shop...ha.




While they are over there enjoying themselves it seems only fitting to be partying back here as well....in there house of course. haha.

I love when they go away.

Plus, Im half Irish, and half French...So I could remotely say I have a vested interest in this match....but not really. haha. The only reminder that Im part French is my mother's maiden name...Lanthier.

Go France Go!!!

What's the Frequency Kenneth?

I had jury duty on Tuesday...I didn't get picked, and I will just leave it at that. ha.

Random days off are way better then ones you are expecting. How so? Well the weekend for example: It is either spent partying, or hungover from partying. That's pretty much the weekend in a nutshell. Scheduled days off are usually spent hungover as well because not having to work in the morning is a cause celebration in my mind. Days you get off for no good reason, like "sick" days, or "jury duty" days are much much more fun.

My day off:

Woke up and got incredibly high...hahaahhaahha.

Played with my cat for a bit, cleaned up the house, made some breakfast, and then got down to business. I needed a list of things to do. Lists are great. I wont bother going into the scientific backup as to why you get more shit done when you have a list, you just do...pretty much common sense.

Before setting out on my day of fun, I entertained my kitten for a bit longer, while doing so I starting day-dreaming again...I do this for like 45% of my day normally. I would do it even more if people wouldn't bug me all God Damn Day. Anyways, I was thinking about what happened last week and came up with a couple good ideas related to it...




1) Become a professional boxer and call myself John "The Shovel" Macnamara....

2) Become a super hero like William H Macy in Mystery Men..."The Shoveler"

3) Become some weird Mixture of "The Shoveler" and, Nacho Libre...

4) Shave my beard off, get super high again, and get on with my day...

Choose 4....




I started off by rolling by this car dealership selling old BMW's and Benzs...found one I liked, and figured out they would take my old car off me at par. So that was good to know for later. Priced out a new stove. Bought some white gravel for my drive way, and priced out some patio stones....Finally ended up at my new favorite store in the whole world...Dollarama...This place is f'ing awesome. You just go crazy in there because its like its all free...I mean, you see something, and think: "hey..its only a dollar..who cares". I love it.

I am so cheap its ridiculous, spending money is like torture to me....Don't know why. There was a catch phrase back in highschool started by my friends Mom...Deloris...her name pretty much says it all. This lady was quirky as hell, and everything thing she said sounded funny for no good reason. I think we were always high at his house which might have been why. Anyways, the catch phrase was: "John...Are ya Jewish?"....I never fully understood why she asked. Didn't matter, it was an ongoing funny one liner that got a laugh every time. I guess I kinda looked Jewish back then, and was fairly cheap with my cash...

Not as cheap as the guy I saw getting chased out of the dollar store for shoplifting. The lady at the cash didn't even bat an eye when the commotion started. I asked her why she was so nonchalant about it. Her answer: "last month we caught 150 people shoplifting, this guy was nothing"...Wow. After I left my dollar priced paradise I walked past the parking guy, hopped one parking median to the free parking, and smiled. While rounding the corner back on my street I saw 4 cop cars.....Great not again....Turns out some old lady in a motorized wheel chair got clipped as she was crossing the street...I think Im almost at the age where this is not funny, but I still kinda laughed..ahahh she was ok anyways.




I finished off my cheap day by driving over to this random lot where they had piles of woodchips.....for what reason? I don't know. So I loaded up my car, and now have woodchips galore at my place...Haahhha.

I thank you very much Jury Duty.

Call me anytime!!!

The Freeloaders: Day for Night tour

Canada Day long weekend....HIIIOHHHH

For some messed up reason I was given the Friday off, and not the Monday, so here I sit Monday morning at work....writing this....

With no work Friday, my drinking partner and I decided to head North to Muskoka for the weekend with no plan what so ever. Not like, hey should we go golfing today, or should we go to the beach?...More like we didnt get hotel rooms, we didnt pack food, we just got in the car and drove up there ahahahha.

Rolled into this quasi-posh resort called Clevelands House around 11:30pm. I know a girl that works there, and my drinking teammate use to be employed there back in the day. So we waltz into the bar down by the lake and proceed to get shmammered....The night got pretty fuzzy, but it all came rushing back to me when I awoke in our spacious two-bedroom apartment. See below...




Yes, its all coming back now...Im sore as F'ing hell because I was beaten with a shovel two days ago and I slept in the front seat of a car.

Anyways, let the freeloading begin....We wake and bake, fall out of the apartment, and make use of the properties bathrooms as if they were our own. This is after stopping by the staff kitchen to get a bite to eat. haha..Next we head down the resorts beach front to catch some rays...then over to the hot tub to relax the old muscles and get ready for the days events.




Our afternoon: Bombed, completely totally smashed, don't remember the second soccer match drunk. ahhaha. I know Germany won, and someone had to remind me that Italy did as well. There was a power nap in the apartment some time before dinner. Dinner was at the restaurant where our buddies band was playing that night. They started rocking out and I went South. I was looking at two beers in front of me and couldn't bring myself to touch them. Gave them both away and resorted to water hoping it would bring me back to life....I was getting better, and the night seemed to be shaping up to be an interesting one, but I took myself out of equation instead. Got a ride home at midnight to the bands hotel room and passed out cold.




Day two: Exactly the same. Except this time I had no intention of drinking during the day. I had one beer during the entire England match. But you see, my comrade is English, and he did not take the loss very well. That coupled with the onslaught of our friend, her sister, and her six friends....the afternoon was again a haze.




Made it back to the bands hotel somehow...haha....and crashed.




This night the two of us didn't even make it out to the bar. We both missed the entire night. We tried to make it out, both got two red bulls each at the corner store, but they did nothing. I saw one of the other weekend warriors doing the same thing, only he bought 6. Of course he had entered the store in his boxer shorts because he had lost his pants....So maybe he needed a few more as he seemed to be having a harder time then us. ha. Anyways, everyone came back from the show around 3am and decided to play poker until 5 or 6am...the sun was up that's all I know.

The feeling of complete death sunk in around 9am...That's when we decided to grab our shit..and go.

One hell of a weekend, and we didn't even party at night.

Ridiculous...