LLLLLEEETTS GGET READY TO RRRUUUUUMBBBLLEE!!!!!

I don't really even know how to start this story...I think Im still in shock that it actually happened...

I met my neighbors about two weeks ago. They are fairly young, around 18 and 19, and seemed to be pretty decent people. It was the one guys birthday yesterday, so I walked over to give him a beer and say happy birthday.

As Im walking over I see the birthday boy is talking to some little punk kid, we'll say he's around 12. I guess the 12 year old was being a little shit and destroyed a few of our other neighbors flowers. This ends when the birthday boy smacks the little guy to teach him a lesson, and sends him on this way...Seemed a little harsh, but its Hamilton...Tough love baby. ahha. I don't know....Whatever I thought to myself...Not my business.

We take a seat on his front porch with two of his buddies, and there girl friends. I crack the beers, he throws me a smoke, and we are officially chilling on this lovely afternoon.

This lasts about 10 seconds as the little kid comes running back with his older brother and his friends.....There is about 8 of them....grrreat.

A shouting match ensues, tempers flare, and I just sit there watching this all unfold thinking nothing will really come from it....Holyshit was I wrong.

Birthday boy starts popping off about "having" something for the guys....(for you whiter then white people out there, that means a gun)...and runs upstairs. At this point instead of pondering from a philosophical stand point why this is all happening, I should have been getting the F out of Dodge. Not really anywhere for me to go as the 8 guys were standing in front of the porch. So I just sat there with my beer in one hand and my smoke in other, and pretended like I was a spectator in this...I mean I just moved here...Im not "offically" Hammer yet haahha.




The main Asshole on the other side decides hes not going to wait for the birthday boy to come down with whatever hes getting, and storms the porch. One dude gets cranked in the face, then he turns to me and does nothing...dont know why. He runs back down the steps and picks up a shovel.....

Here is where everything changes....A shovel...A fucking shovel....wow...

I get up out of my seat and turn to jump off the porch, I get smoked in the back of head and neck with the shovel as Im falling over the edge. I hit the ground and remember seeing my beer still in my hand, but the smoke was toast as it was covered in beer....I rule....I remember laughing about this as they came around the corner to get me.




Funny thing was it didn't hurt...Like I didn't really feel the impact. I knew they weren't done with me, but I didn't bother getting up or trying to fight back. I just sat there. One guy threw a punch, but I blocked it with my hands. I took a couple solid kicks to the ribs and at that point the birthday emerged from the house with his over-sized hunting knife.

The crowd then leaves me alone, and turns there attention to him....they move towards him as if to say "you wont use that you pussy"....ahhaha well they were fucking wrong.




Guy starts lashing out at people like a maniac.....He's surrounded by all these guys with bats and whatnot, but didn't give a flying fuck. Dude was on a mission to kill someone....He managed to slice one guys face, and one-punch some other dude...Someone threw a knife at him, and it just bounced off. Hahhaha. This guy was a bloody riot to watch.

At this point I had sat my ass down on the old lady's porch next door, and was enjoying what was left of my beer.

This lasted a few more moments before 6 cop cars flew in to break it all up. I ended up knowing one of the cops from highschool....he kinda laughed as if to say what the fuck are you doing here...ahhaha.

Thats just it though....Wrong place, Wrong time....

So ya, that was kinda neat....but would rather not do that again...my ribs and neck are sore, but other than that all I have is a headache.

I am so glad I came out of my house to meet my neighbors...what was I thinking waiting a whole year to join this party.

$3.73

Ignorance, racism, bizarre luck, and menacing little leprechauns...Yes this next story has it all.

As I was pulling up to my V.I.P parking spot at BlockBuster last night (thats curbside right outside cause Im lazy) I witnessed a mind-boggling feat of stupidity. This asshole was riding his bike on the curb wobbling in and out of people. He comes across some Chinese exchange student type guy and blatantly gives him the finger...Right in the guys face, and doesn't take it away until he bumbles past him completely...I had just gotten out of my car and didn't know what to make of this. Who the fuck does that?




As I get closer the random Hamilton dirtbag is now off his bike and is standing in my way to Blockbuster. He opens up his dumb mouth and before he could even say anything I knew what was coming.

"Hey man, can you spare some change?"

If this guy didn't look like he had spent the vast majority of his life in jail I probably would have told him to get a f'ing life....or perhaps just die, and make Hamilton that much nicer.

I didn't give him the time of day, went about my business, and took off.

I did see some other folks giving this guy money...kinda made me upset, but wasn't my place to say shit. I give what I can when I deem it to be necessary. You can tell between the guys who need it, and the guys that are just too fucking stupid and lazy to do anything else.

However, I feel I did the right thing in not giving this asshole shit. And today I was rewarded for my decision.

I go on binges...this last week I've been eating nothing but Italian wedding soup from Mrs.Vinnis. For awhile there it was a BLT salad from Wendys...but after so long you just cant take it anymore....Anyways, today I reached into my wallet just expecting to have enough change for my soup...




I pull out a loonie, a toonie, two quarters....k getting there....oh two dimes...sweet...now all I need is three lousy cents...Come on come on...oh there we go...Wow....three cents...I have down to the last penny exactly $3.73 for my soup today.

Moral of this story??

Stupid people should just die, Karma is neat, and leave the Chinese alone...They are going to own your ass in a few years...

Oh, and I guess there were no menacing leprechauns...my mistake...Ha

Its the simple things

I have forgotten how much I enjoy the simple things in life.

I put one of my many loonies, now im my wallet after a Saturday night spent at the bars, into the vending machine today.

Decided that peanut butter was kinda like a breakfast thing, so I went for the Reeses peanut butter cups.

Instead of three delicious chocolate covered peanut cups, I got six...yes six. Two packages came down instead of the expected one.




It was like I won the fucking lottery....

And no...I dont believe in Jesus, just a funny picture ha!

I give...

Sat alone in my house yesterday staring at the ceiling fan for hours, with my cat in one hand and a smoke in the other...Until I just started crying.

After awhile I dont even know what I was crying about...just felt good to be doing it.




Today was not much better, but at least it wasnt yesterday...

I've come to realise that blogging is just basically a modern way of scrap booking...Collecting pictures and stories to be remembered for another day.....

Hopefully those are better days..

We'll Make Great Pets

I met the neighbor's for the first time last Friday night....within 10 minutes we got into the 420....I think that was like a record for me...Anyways, I was shook. These guys put me to shame. I did what I could to pretend I was ok, gathered what dignity I had left, and slowly made my way back across the street...They could have been in a similar state, but I wasn't sticking around to find out.




I felt like an old man that just got his ass kicked my some punk kids. Not a totally bad experience as I came home and thought up this:

(please note, I know my grammar is terrible, my writing style is all over the map, and there's no real direction to most of what I write. BUT!! Sometimes I like think I come up with cool ideas. It always seems really cool in my head anyways ha.)

A mans life is filled with coincidences, ones he has trouble explaining, or justifying as possible. They occur so often that ultimately they drive this man into a deep search for the cause, or for the meaning behind them. Several theories only turn up dead ends as his life takes turns for the worse on his journey to the truth.




This resembles some of the same senerios in Vanilla Sky, however that plot is based on the events being manipulated by ones own thought process; However, this story would have an outside source controlling the course of this mans life. Anyways,...doesnt really matter because:

The end is hard to determine...could be that the only way out it is intentional suicide to live again somewhere else...as in he develops a deeper understanding of his world, determines its not real, and kills himself to get out...the setting then turns into some sick TV show in the future that sends people into this state of mind for entertainment. The modern day Coliseum of Rome...or something else???

One of the many reasons why I don't actually try and write anything....The ending is the story, without an ending it is simply nothing. This is the blog version of this, as any more detail and I wouldnt even enjoy writing this post, let alone reading it.

Could be the guy is just on the verge of being nuts, and his circumstances spin him out of control while looking for the answers...ultimately ending up in the looine bin.




Only problem is this plot has probably already been written by someone else prior to me thinking it up. Hell, I probably even watched the thing....This would be the downside of the 420 rearing its ugly head.

hahaha.

Brought to you by 420 entertainment.

Fast and the Furious...Cambridge Drift

A bunch of random shit happened this weekend around my cars.

1) Got the old convert out of storage, and brought it into the garage to get some work done on her.

2) Bought a BMW on eBay by mistake.

3) Somehow got involved in a mid-day street race.




After dropping off the convertible at my buddies dealership we decided to go out for lunch. We hop into the fastest car hes got on the lot. A new 300 with a Hemi, and all the trimmings...425HP or something insane like that.

We roll up to a red light and see some modified Infinite G-something or other beside us. Light goes green, and Mikey hammers it...Its like two Harleys are in my ear drums when he does this.

We are kinda side by side, back and forth, until this happens:

Guy unloads with some Nitro...weirdest sound ever....and he just takes off

Hahahaha

Downtown Cambridge, middle of the day, and he uses this shit...

Anyways, the BMW. Didn't really want to buy it, was just bored at work on eBay, and was throwing out some bids. Ended up winning the damn thing. Nice car, but it was in Florida, and I didn't want the hassle of bringing it over the boarder. So I asked to drop my bid, and he did.

Very nice of him....What the F was I going to do with 3 cars. Ha.

Unbeknownst to me, I can't hear a God Damn thing under water..

Ended up at bar last night fairly late, around 1am we'll say....Bumped into the usual suspects, most of whom I haven't seen in awhile...so that was good in itself.

I found myself talking to this guy I had only met once before at a party I threw back a few months ago.

It goes past the "hey.....hey" and ends up on what do we do for a living, which in my mind is now a staple part of any conversation....sad but true, anyways, my part is boring, but he tells me hes a singer in a band....

"oh, thats cool...(In my head: bands are fun, neat, k usually singing doesnt pay the bills, what else do you do)...whats the name of your band?

"Alexis on fire"

"oh....Really??.....haha no way, really?? shit. haahahhaha. well that's cool"

Felt quasi dumb for a second... Not exactly my type of music though

But, was pretty funny to find that out that way....cool guy I might add..

I apologize already

Boom....




Walk out the front door this morning only to be greeted by the Fedex Man/Lady....

It was kinda scary, but kinda refreshing...

This person was obviously in their own world, and ok with it...

The boy who blocked his own shot.

I had an interview last week.

I went in there guns a blazing spouting off about what I've done so far, and where Id like to go. Everything went really well, too well. The people interviewing me seemed to be just regular Joes...nothing insanely corporate, or exciting about them.

The job pays a lot more then I currently make, is with a bigger company, and demands a lot less responsibility. Id bascially be taking a huge reduction in work load for more money. Naturally I was pretty keen on the idea.

Sadly, this did not work out. They are looking for some pawn to just sit there and pick up the slack of the other personnel in the department for a number of years, and then maybe move up.




Who knew all I had to do was pretend to be some idiot and would have had a better chance at the position.

My little soccer player is back!!!

Its come to my attention that Im fat...Im not really your stereotypical fat guy. I am actually twig thin except for little Buddha belly Im growing.




It comes around like the solar eclipse....now Im pretty sure that happens only once in awhile, but if its pretty regularly then ignore that simile.

Anyways, I think I need to do something about this...

J-Mo, need a running buddy?

Hahaha jk...

I blame a few things for this: my diet, weed, my general sense of laziness, beer, etc...it all kinda blends together into a big melting pot of unhealthy nonsense...

oh well...

Kitty

1)I am allergic

2)I cant take care of her during the day

3)I dont know the first thing about cats, I dont believe they are difficult at all, but still what if it breaks a leg or something (ha inside joke)....

4)I really can't afford to be doing this with the vet bills, food, and what nots...hell cant even feed myself...


But look at how damn cute this cat is!

I might have to take him....Its out of my control now...

The same thing we do everyday Pinky.....

Terry: An extremely kind man. I do not think I have ever seen him get to the point of being angry. I do not think I've ever seen this man ever upset. Come to think of it, I don't think this man has ever stopped smiling once in his whole life...its almost scary...Anyways, Terry is from somewhere in China, where?? I have no idea...wouldnt matter anyways...He was shipped over here as a learning experience for our division in China, and just never left. His English? Pretty f'ing terrible...I've worked here for two years and I don't think its changed at all..maybe a little better. Still almost impossible to understand what he wants over the phone. But hes still a nice guy, and it would be a crime to get pissed at him.




Eric: An extremely kind man. I do not think I have ever seen him get to the point of being angry. I do not think I've ever seen this man ever upset. Come to think of it, I don't think this man has ever stopped smiling once in his whole life...its almost scary...Anyways, Eric is from somewhere in Korea, where?? I have no idea...wouldnt matter anyways...He showed up as a temp one day, and just never left. His English? Pretty f'ing terrible...He has worked here for almost a year, and I don't think its changed at all..maybe a little better. Still almost impossible to understand what he wants on the phone/in person/through a megaphone/I just don't know what the fuck this guy is saying...




What do I day dream about when these two wingnuts are in my office trying to tell me what they need to order for the plant???




I could not help but slowly drift off to the insane broken ramblings of these two into a dark, dark, yet happy place...

A duel to death...

These two would turn into animation heros and battle to death, only there would be no victor...and in the end they would have to hire a new engineer that spoken proper English...

And I was happy...

F U EBAY!

EBay is great...

You can find whatever the hell you want, for a good price and have it show up right at your front doorstep.

I have used this wonderful service many....many a time....Did I buy useless shit just for the hell of it? of course I did.

But, it has landed me a few good deals, and I have been yet to be screwed over...that was until my last package of cheap goodness showed up.

I currently have a microwave that was loaned to me from the Russians. It was originally used on Sputnik, but had been decommissioned, and laid to rest in a museum of the Motherland. I pulled a few strings and managed to get my little greedy hands on this gem...Its luster has since faded for me though..

Solution? EBay...




I found this puppy going for 6 bucks...I won, and was quite happy with myself about it. It showed up a few days later brand spanking new still in the box. What a steal I thought to myself...Only problem was the timer doesn't work. You punch in 5 minutes, and it'll run for 5 hours...and beyond....it just doesn't count down.

I think that's a fire hazard...I basically bought a home made bomb for 6 bucks.

How do I fix this?

Well, Im going to use EBAY again purely out of spite to fix this....

I could try and send this back, or go get it fixed....but no, I am going to be stubborn about it and get this little guy to fix my problem for 3 bucks...



I will eventually burn down my house because of this....

But at least I got a deal...



I love you eBay...

Your the best Mom ever!!! Errr...I mean friend??

I got what I think to be the sweetest birthday present ever this year....

I came home from work to find my front gardens had been planted, as well as the back garden. Spelled out in candle letters in the middle of it all was "Happy Birthday".

Immediately I thought my mom had been down to my house during the day to do this simply because who else in the world would do this for me? Also, there was some particular plants in there that I thought only she knew I liked.

So I call her up on my birthday around 9pm to thank her for this...At this point I am on drink..I don't know, we'll say 10 maybe??

"Mom!! Wow, what a nice present, thank you so much for the gardens"

"What are you talking about, I didn't plant anything at your house?"

"Hummm, right, well...Thanks for the TV....back to drinking!!"




Turns out the culprit was the lovely girl above. Thanks so much...

And yes, there is still lots...and lots...and lots of work to be done on my place..