Who steals 30 bagged lunches???

Well its back to school for this guy...

I am a buyer who has absolutely no background in his field of work...So Im now doing correspondance classes to obtain my PMAC. What is PMAC? Who knows, who gives a shit. Its some professional purchasing degree....aka another piece of paper I dont need. Why am I doing this? Because no matter how good you are people like to see that little piece of paper before they make you a manager. Right now Im working for the Titanic of companies, I think we might be sold. I dont know. haha. They are paying for this, and thats all that matters.

What does this mean for me? Well, school life was very different then working life for me.

1st year:


Went to most of my classes out of fear....well fear and I really didnt know anything about anything....was drunk most of the time.


2nd year:


Complete dislike for life in general, dont know how any of the 7 guys in this house made it out alive. One guy just left half way through. ahha. Still went to the majority of class. Lived in a state of complete unconciousness...

3rd year:


Figured out I didnt need to attend class and still get the same marks. Just partied hard.

4th year:





Did not attend class...

I think I will treat this new course and challenge somewhat differently as it actually pertains to my daily life...university was BS...I have applied almost nothing from it. Thanks for the good times...ahhah....It was fun.


I need 70% to pass....It would be quite embarrasing if I didnt pass I believe....I think fear is back in the picture. ha.

Making an ASS out of yourself 101:

I, like most of you, have a bum...

102.1 The Edge is holding the Ass Olympics, and is giving away 10 thousand dollars to someone purely based on the fact that they have a bum. Sure, its got to be a nice bum, but the only requirement is that you have a bum.....

Well God Dammit!!! I have one of those!!!

ahahah, I left work in the middle of the day to bolt off to Toronto. Did not tell a soul where I was going, just got up and left...Ahhh the freedom...anyways...

I get there and its all business:

"You here to show us your ass?"

"Yes...Yes I am"

I drop the pants and think for a brief moment "what the hell am I doing here"... this does not phase me and we continue.

After I get the pics taken Josie, the girl who does the nooner, asks me about my tattoos. Im not shy, so I show her, and then proceed to explain what they all mean. She thought it was cool and asked If I wanted to go on the air with her in betweem songs.

Being on the radio for the first time is like having sex for the first time.

You're nervous as hell, don't really know what's going on, but before you know it its over and you cant really remember what happened. hahaha.

It was cool though, I got a text right after from a friend who just happened to be listening to the show. From the tats he knew it was me, and said I sounded good.

Im so not winning, but I got on the radio, and talked about my ass for a minute or two to Toronto. hahaha...Thats payment enough.




If you would like to help out my drive to win 10K, you can go vote at:

www.edge.ca

But you have to be a member...Do not be persuaded by all the thongs....Damn you.

BUSTED!!!!

Remember the eventful tale of PH1 and PH2? Well, quick refresh, they got caught with a bunch of pot on a trip out west to party for the winter in Panorama. The cops missed the 2nd ounce, so once the sentence was divided, the amount became none-criminal with a court date in April to make the fine official.

PH1 had been checking the mail looking for the court summons religiously to avoid his parents wrath.

That was the plan, nab the letter before they saw, boot up-north, pay the stupid fine, and be done with it. It WAS a great plan....One small thing was overlooked though...When the sheriff shows up at your door with the summons all the mail checking in the world wont save you.




HAHahahahah....Shitty...

Oh, and the bastards changed the amount they were caught with....

"I bet you I can throw a football over dem mountains"

My parents are getting a new dog...

We started off with a giant sheep dog named Broody....

My grandparents had at one time 4 Bernese mountain dogs that seemed like horses to us as kids....

We had Jody, our lab, who was not all that huge, but still a typical sized dog.

Ive grown up with big dogs my whole life....

We are now getting a football for a dog....I could punt this thing across my living room.




Im sure it'll be cute as hell and I'll love it, but I wont like it.

HAahahahah stupid small dogs...

Yoshi, Ty, and Sushi are omitted from this...they grew on me...

Part one

Not how I wanted to spend Valentines Day dinner this year, but it was a great day nonetheless. This day was all about my Mom. I brought her flowers, my brother cooked her dinner, and my dad got her a few presents. She had all the men in her life treating her like gold, and rightfully so...She had some good news to announce herself as she might be retiring shortly. The company my dad works for is being bought for 7.1 Billion dollars...soooo....ya...he had some stock options. haahha. Ya, so my Mom had a wonderful day and seems like she will get more time to putter around and do the crazy things she does.

Ps....My Mom is Kitty from the 70's show...to a tee. haha

Part two

My Valentines Day lunch:

I have a good friend of mine working for my company doing all our general painting contracts. This is pretty much the most unethical thing you can do in my line of work, but hes good, hes the cheapest, and hes my friend....so F it.

I got a ring right before lunch from him saying he was in the plant today and wanted to go for lunch. We head next door and grab a bite to eat from Timmys. I go there so often I've made friends with all the ladies...I get free stuff once in awhile...makes my day. Anyways. We start chatting about what hes doing tonight for his lady friend, who is awesome by the way.

Then he stops and says this "ok, now here is the real reason why I wanted to go to lunch today"

His step Mom was just given 3 months to live tops. She was battling lung cancer and beat it!! She was recovering well past the expectations of all the doctors. However, the doctors did not catch the fact that it had spread to her head and now has 5 brain tumors. I cant explain to you how saddening this is in here...its beyond stupid little words...and the reason is this: this poor guy already lost his first mother in a freak brain aneurysm during highschool.

Ive know him since we were 4, hes my oldest friend. We have been next door neighbors for most of lives and the pain this guy has had to bare in this life time is beyond comprehension. His first Mom was like a second mother to me, spent countless hours at his house. And she vanished in the middle of the night one day out of the blue...blew my mind. His step Mom is also an amazing lady, loads of fun and not deserving of such an ending...He now has to watch her die a slow and painful death.

I think I might move home for a few weeks to be around when things are rough..

Makes you think that whatever little silly problem seems to be controlling your life really isn't what you make it out to be...

Live life to the fullest and love those close to you everyday...

She is going to be missed.

That was one hell of a year

I will not even start with my own story as it has already been described as "complicated"...

Last year I spent Valentines day at the pub for a few drinks...This year it could be more of the same. Or I might go bring my Mom flowers, as I have no one I can physically go give flowers to. hahaha.

So yes, instead of helping myself I did what I could to help others.




I have this guy who works in my office...he just turned 30, but looks young for his age. Hes a cross between Johnny Knoxville and Jim Carey. Its an odd mix, but so is this guy. Hes nice as hell though...doesn't have many friends as they all live in his home town several hours away. I think he spends all his extra time in the gym, dudes jacked...and hes a vegan...I don't know how this is possible...again odd....Anyways....I have another sorta estranged friend whom you might remember from a story I told not too long ago. The girl who threw up in the bar? Remember her? ahahhahah I know this already sounds like a bad idea, but trust me. I just kinda saw something there. She's really cute, and is a bloody blast to be with, but also has this odd side to match. F'ing perfect....

After hearing that I had ripped to shreds what I held dear Friday night I realized that perhaps I could help someone else if I couldn't do the same for myself.

It was actually very simple:

to boy: hey, you bored?

to me: umm what are you talking about?

to boy: here, add girl@hotmail.com

to me: humm ok

- - - - - - - - - - - -

to girl: hey, I know a guy you might like

to me: really? What's he like?

to girl: well, hes adding you to msn right now...So I guess you'll find out


Turns out they go for drinks that very night and are going out again tonight for dinner!!

HAahah Im awesome....

I will be alone tomorrow, but Im still awesome....



Im an idiot...Ha....I miss you

God Im a loser

Ever looked in the mirror and told yourself to F off for a solid 5 minutes?

No? Really? ohhhh hummm crap....

Was about all I could come up with after I awoke to find out I told everyone and their mother to fuck off last night...

That would be angry Johnny..

We dont like him..

hahaha....

sorry

Oh don't mind him, he's special....

Ever been so hungry you started eating food of a strangers plate?

Friday night was a bust, wont even bother with that one...it was filled with guys being eaten by bears..and farts...

Saturday was the pure definition of random. Woke up, hit the bong with a friend, had a few drinks, and headed off to the gym...umm ya...notice the order there. Anyways. I haven't been to the gym in ages, so Im still feeling the workout today.

Night time we head off to Toronto in the shittest weather...at one point I could have closed my eyes and made no significant change in my ability to stay on the road. I was heading there to see my friends band Broadside play the reverb...(Which is a hole in the wall, but kinda cool). The show was great, these guys have tons of energy and put on a good performance.


I proceeded to get loaded..Mel I blame you...the last band was a pleasant surprise as the first couple bands were kinda lack luster. The Free Press, front maned by this guy who could be described as the coolest person ever. This guys spit had more presence and karma then some of the people there to watch that night. Some cracked-out lady was attempting to talk to us at one point...we ran away...lets just say I didn't see the track marks, but I wouldn't have been surprised.




After the show is where I went from zero to hero...We headed over to another bar where they had a couple guys spinning and "I think" it was decent. Couple drinks later and Im "drunk Johnny"...Hes a rare breed, and hes also hit or miss. You could get angry Johnny, so its a bit of a coin toss when you unleash the beast. This night was idiot Johnny, at one point I pretty much went up to a cop and told him "don't worry I got this one" ahahha, he was trying to kick some guy out of McDonalds for being too rowdy....or something...for some reason I thought I could help this situation...all the guy wanted was a cheeseburger for Christ sake....let the man have his delicious burger of cheese and be on his way...the cop pretended to listen to me for a few minutes, and then told me to go sit down...he had a gun...I sat down.

The next restaurant I flat out started eating food off strangers plates...I don't think I lasted too long in that place....woke up in all my clothes, pounded some greasy breakfast, and took a free train ride home courtesy of the general tax paying public...haha...

I was hungover all day. I pretty much slept through the superbowl...oh well.

First time I met him he was robbing my store

The scene: Front porch, Westdale, 11pm, Saturday night

Drunk guy starts pissing off the front porch in plain view of anyone who happened to pass by.


Finishes up....Satisfied with himself he turns around to sit down back on the cement porch. As he takes his seat we all turn around to notice the mother of house standing in the doorway shaking her head in disapproval...




How do you talk your way out of this?

"Hahaha well...Im drunk....I don't know what to say"

Doesn't quite matter because drunk guy got what he deserved...Turns out he wasn't so accurate and pissed all over the porch where he decided to rest his bones after taking such an enormous piss.

HAhahaahha